A bunch of "Nothing"

Nothing really to update you on regarding the adoption. The "high" I was on is starting to fade as we begin our wait for the next phase to begin . As I really don't know the exact date our dossier went to the Embassy, I am going to "guesstimate" it arrived on Wednesday - which means we are 2 days into our 6-8 week wait. I am going to ask for a copy of the receipt of the dossier being submitted - for two reasons. First, I just really do not totally trust D2 and B and I want to be sure the dossier has indeed been submitted, and second, and more importantly, I want it for a scrap book for our little guy. I doubt I'll get it.

Well its Friday and I LOVE summer Fridays!! Summer Fridays = half work days = a happy Kim!! Today is even better because we are having our annual R&D picnic. We are leaving work at 9:39 to head off to the picnic grounds - I am looking forward to it. We even get to wear shorts today!! (how dull is my life if I am getting excited over shorts? LOL!!)

Its supposed to rain tonight and tomorrow, so part of the weekend is bust. Sunday is supposed to be nice and it is also the day we go celebrate our god-daughters 4th b-day! I cannot believe she is 4 already! SHe is adorable (the youngest of 4 - with 3 older brothers), and already knows she is the princess of the family! I love wathcing her "rule" over her brothers - she cracks me up!! And she shares my love of shoes! Recently after her mom bought her a new dress she says, "that's nice Mom, but I need a new pair of shoes to go with the dress!" I cracked up when I heard that! A girl after my own heart!!

And in case you were wondering (which you probably weren't) I did not get to see Dr. Hottie - he was out of the office. And to top it off I had to wait over an hour just to be seen - it was NOT a good day at the dentist - oh...I got a lot of people in trouble there that day too. I was NOT a happy patient.

Bye for now!

YIPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just receive this update from D....

"Good news, your papers have gone to the Embassy! [D2] has the receipt from Asst. Stork. And he has the updates [you had asked about]."


I am speechless!!!! This is a HUGE step everyone!!!!! I just want to jump up and down and scream!!!!! I am soooooooooo excited right now that I could just BURST!!!!! I want to enjoy this moment to its fullest, because its going to be a long wait until the next step...or at least it is going to seem like a long wait!! It should be 4 - 6 weeks before going to the next step...

OMG!!! I cannot believe this is actually happening!!!!!!!

Don't shoot the messenger

I think I have been guilty of "shooting the messenger". I am getting very frustrated by the lack of response I am getting from D in regard to the status of our dossier and answers to other important questions. But unfortunately for her, the lack of communication I think is coming from D2 and B - not from her. I have to admit, that she has resonded quickly to my inquiries even if the only answer is "I have asked D2". I expressed my frustration to this fact this morning to her and told her I hope that when we are in Kaz they respond more quickly. Things will go wrong (simply because I am involved - LOL), and I'd rather they not wait until it is "convenient" for them (meaning D2 and B) to respond to our latest mishap.

So here is the latest...I sent the check to get the dossier moving. Oh wait...that was my last update. You get the point. I have no clue yet as to whether or not our dossier has left the desk of D2 or B. Its next stop is with "The Assistant Stork" who puts the dossier togehter in its proper format and hand delivers it to the Kaz Embassy. My hope is that it is at the very least on its way there.

Good things are starting to happen to those around me, so maybe some of the luck will rub off on me! My friend G just got a new job offer and things are starting to fall in place for her after her recent re-location to Florida! I am so happy for her because for a while things did not seem to be working out for her and I sensed her beginning to question her move. I am glad to see someone pursuing a dream and having things slowly but surely fall into place.

Other random things for today...

• I spent 5 minutes staring at food in the cafeteria today, only to end up with 1/2 of a tuna sandwich and chips (exciting - huh?)
• I think the AC in our building is about to crap out on us - it is getting very humid in here
• My curly hair is getting curlier by the second...any minute I should look as if I have an afro.
• I have a dentist appointment to fix a filling that fell out a month ago!
• My dentist is, how do I put this, well....hot! I call him Dr. Hottie!! Mike just rolls his eyes.
• I rearranged the face on my Mr. Potato head which is sitting on my desk today. He actually is a "Darth Tater" potato head. Today he is just a plain Mr. Potato Head though.

Crab Legs!!!!

Last night was a nice ending to the week - I got to have Alaskan King Crab legs for dinner!!! YUMMY!!! We recently found this restaurant which serves as an appatizer "1 lb of Alaskan King Crab pieces", which turns out to me more than enough for me as a meal! The best part is the price - only $12.99! Anywhere else around here a KCL meal will run you close to $30!

I am feeling much better today and the sun is shining bright! Looks like it is going to be a gorgeous day! The temps are supposed to be in the upper 80's today and tomorrow with relatively low humidity levels! Perfect day to be at the beach!!

I got the check out to the agency yesteday so they should have in on Monday. Hopefully our dossier will go out on Monday as well because I realized our fingerprints expire January 1, 2006, so we have to do everything possible not to have anymore delays!!! Please cross your fingers that the rest of this journey goes smoothly!

I am in the process of filling out the grant application but have some questions about how our income should be documented. D told me to make sure it matches what is in the homestudy, but that was done over a year ago. Since that time we have started our business and with all the tax breaks associated with that our adjusted income is slightly different. We would be more likely to qualify based on our 2004 tax return than our 2003 tax return. With our 2003 taxes we are just over the income requirement by $1000! Using our 2004 tax returns we are will under the requirement. So I need to wait for an answer from D. One of her grown kids is in town this weekend, so I doubt I'll hear anything before Monday. That is OK thoug - family time is important and, besides, tthe grant application is not that urgent of an issue...afterall we still have another 3 or 4 months before this is over.

Well I am off to go get Michael's lazy butt up so we can get out and enjoy this BEAUTIFUL day!!! This is our "calm before the storm" Monday is the last signing day of the month for loans that need to fund this month, so we will be swamped on Monday - we already have 4 booked - turned down 10!!! I had taken Monday off to relax, but my darling husband has booked me with appointments for the business already!!! Maybe I should go to work instead!!!!

Have a great weekend!

What did I do to deserve this pain?

I honestly do not understand why this process has been such a difficult journey. Here we are, ready to open our heart and our home to a child who wants or needs a family, and we cannot make it happen. I just don't get it. I feel as if anytime we make some progress in this little journey something pops up and slaps me in the face and knocks me down. It is only my determination that keeps me going...my desire to be a mom, but honestly that is beginning to dwindle. I am about ready to just give up and call it quits. In the beginning, my drive was fueled by my faith in God - that he was in control and that he would provide to us a child that needed us as much as we needed him. But as time passed and circumstances beyond our control seemed to detour our journey, my faith in God, as a loving, caring, compassionate god, has been shattered into pieces. There is no reason that anyone could give me that could justify a child sitting in a cold, depressing, dirty, and "stinky" orphanage, when he or she could be getting the love and care they need and deserve in the home of 2 people who want nothing more than to be parents. A loving, compassionate God would not allow this.

Then just when I think things are going to turn around, life reminds me just how cruel it can be. I can't go into details, but last night was one of the worst nights I have had in a very long time. Not only does the news hurt so bad I just want to crawl under a rock and die, but now I deal with the guilt of feeling the way I do about it. I want to be happy and celebrate - but I cannot. It's not about me, and I don't want to make it about me, and I certainly do not want to take the joy away from those involved, but the pain is just so bad and I don't know how to make it go away.

Well, the weekend is here, and after last night I really need to get away and just enjoy the weekend. Mike and I need to take some time to think regarding a very important part of this journey. I am just afraid to make the decision because as soon as I do the pendulum is going to swing back down and knock me on my ass again. Inevitably every time something good happens, the slap follows shortly behind. I honestly do not know how many more times I will be able to get back up.

It is not my intention to burden you with my pain, but I have kept a lot of this pain bottled up inside, and now that I have a place to unload it, I am going to. I just need to deal with it I guess. Thanks though for "listening".

Where we are in the process

I just realized that I have not really done what I had intended to do with this blog and give you an idea of where we are at in the process and how much further we need to go.

So as of 6:53 PM, July 21, our dossier, as far as I know is in the hands of B. I am hoping that maybe he has sent it on for final translation, but seeing as B and D are top notch communicators, I cannot seem to get an answer as to whether or not it is at the translators yet or not. So I will go with the worst case scenario and say it is still in B's hands.

After it is translated it will be sent to either the Kaz Embassy in DC or the Kaz Consulate in NYC - again because of communication skills I have been unable to successfully get an answer as to where my dossier will go. This process, assuming things go smoothly, should take 4 - 6 weeks.

Once it clears the embassy it is sent to Kazakhstan where must first clear the Ministry of Foreign affairs (MOF) then clear the Ministry of Education (MOE). Once it clears this process (approx 6 - 8 weeks) a letter of invitation is sent to us - our "Golden Ticket"

Once we receive the LOI - it takes about 2 weeks to get things in line to travel to meet our son.

Now this timeline assumes no bumps in the road! Yeah, like that is going to happen for us! At this point I am just hoping we can have our son home by Christmas.

On the up side though, we found out today we may qualify for a grant. The agency sent us the paperwork today so we are going to fill it out and send it back. That would make the financial piece of this process a bit easier for us to handle. I am crossing my finger and toes that this will work for us!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update: I was just told our dossier is ready to be sent to the embassy but they need the balance of our dossier fee (we had paid a reduced fee when we were going with Russia because of the child's age, so now we have to pay the rest).

Age and Bonding: An Inverse Relationship?

I have been struggling lately with trying to decide the age of the child we are going to adopt (I say "I" because me being me have to over-analyze everything, where as Mike just wants me to make a decision - LOL!!). Initially we sought an infant, then decided an older child around 4 or 5 would be wise. Then the 4 year old we were pursuing continued to get older to the point where he was going to be nearly 5 ½ before we got him home. At the time we decided we were not willing to adopt a child that old and made the heart breaking decision to discontinue our pursuit to bring him home. (there is more to this story to be shared at another time). It was at this time we decided to switch to Kazakhstan.

Over the past few months we have re-visited the age issue. For reasons which I will not air here, we have re-opened our hearts to the possiblity of an “older” child (“older” = under 5). However, as I reopen my thoughts to under 5, why not under 6 or even under 7? I read daily about infant, pre-school and “older child” adoption and have learned a great deal about each of those age groups. The bottom line is that there is potential for bonding issues in each of those age groups.

What I find kind of humorous is that I can pick any age and argue that that age is undoubtedly the best age for a child to be adopted, and can list reason after reason. Until the next day when another age suddenly becomes the undoubtedly best age for adoption. What I have learned is that I can convince myself of just about anything if I try hard enough!!

So really what I am getting at is that no matter what I read or who I talk to somewhere I am going to find pros and cons to ANY age. Will the age of the child really affect his ability or inablity ot bond with us? So many times I hear that the older the child the harder it is for the child to bond. I can refer to infant, toddler, pre-schooler, elementary, and middle school aged success stories, and equally as many horror stories. I mean really, don’t we all know someone who’s friend’s uncle’s mailman’s sister adopted a {{insert age and nationality}} child that just has been {{select one: terrible / great}} ? The conclusion I have come to is that age is only a very small piece of the success story in terms of adjustment and bonding.

So where does that leave us? It leaves us trying to make a decision that will greatly affect the rest of a child’s life of whom we know nothing about, with the exception of perhaps a picture and brief, often inaccurate medial history. How will this child fit into our lives, or more importantly, how will we fit into this child’s life. We will literally be forcing ourselves into this kid’s life! How is that going to go over? How do you decide what is best for someone you do not even know? If this child becomes our son, yet fails to bond with us and lives a life of misery and emptiness, did we do the “best” thing for this child by taking him out of the orphanage? Would the orphanage have been a better place for him?

So really…does age matter? I am really starting to think it may not be as important as I once thought it to be. What I have learned is that this is indeed a step of faith into deep darkness of the unknown. There are so many more factors to a successful adoption than just age, many of which we as parents have control over but also many more over which we have absolutely no control.

But now that I have bored you all to death with my ramblings, does any of what I just rambled about matter? I truly believe in what I have ended earlier postings with…”what is meant to be will be”. I rregardless (or is it regardless) of what Mike or I think is the best age for us to adopt , the child we are meant to have will be the one we end up with…and his (or I guess really, her) age is ultimately NOT going to be up to us!

So as I have closed before…What is meant to be will be…

List of Characters

Nothing too exciting to post today. My agency did respond to with the name of the translator they use. She is one of the 2 who have been "blessed" by the Kaz embassy - so I guess that is good. I am somewhat shocked that for the first time in this long journey, we have actually been ahead of a process change!! LOL!!! Maybe our luck is starting to change...but lest I forget, I am me, and my luck just doesn't change for the better!!

No word on our dossier yet. I asked the coordinator if it has been sent for the remaining translation (only the latest apostille certificates needed translation - at least that is what I was told). She said she had asked yesterday, but as of her response last night, had not heard back from the program facilitators yet.

Since I have nothing of real great importance to add so far today I thought I might as well introduce the list of characters in this ongoing saga. OK its more for personal ease in writing these posts as I am getting tired of writting "the coordinator" or "the agency". Hello my name is Kim and I am lazy.

So from here on out...here are the characters. I will update as needed:
"our agency" = ABC (these are not the actual intials of the agency name - I just don't want the real name out there yet)
"the coordinator" = D
"the other agency" = XYZ (same as above)
"the progam facilitators" = D2 and B

"Our agency" is the agency we work with directly. They are more like facilitators; they are the "middle man"
"The coordinator" is the person we work directly with. She basically gets answers from XYZ when we have questions.
"The other agency" is who ABC is working with. This is the agency which actually makes things happen. D2 and B are both Russian and work directly with the foreign countries (ie Russia, Kaz, Moldova, etc)
"the program facilitaors" work for / own XYZ. These 2 are the ones who go visit the countries and **supposedly** keep up with the regulations. They coordinate the overseas travel and housing arrangments.

Life goes on

I hate Mondays. Traffic was absolutely horrific this morning. Took me almost 2 hours to get in. Everyone thinks they will beat the shore traffic on Sunday by just leaving Monday morning! So in addition to the regular commuters, we have to deal with all the BENNIES trying to get back up north! I love living at the shore, but all you BENNIES need to go home SUNDAY!!!! Ok - I am done with my rant.

Well we survived the weekend. It was tough after Friday but we made it. Both of us feel sorry for Chance (our black lab) cuz he is just wandering around looking for Kayro - he no longer has his play buddy. He laid by where her water bowl and food used to be and just whimpered last night...hard to explain what happened to a dog!

It looks like we won't be hosting a child this summer. Just cannot seem to get everyone involved on the same page, so I guess I won't get to be a mom for 3 weeks. Its probably best because being the sap that I am I may just fall in love with the child and refuse to let the child go back** and we'd end up re-living the Ilian Gonzalez tragedy of a few years ago! I will just try to focus on our little unknown person for now.

Read some more about yet another new requirment for Kaz dossiers. As of the end of June every dossier must be translated by one of two embassy approved translators - they are doing this in hopes of speeding up dossier processing time which is currently 1 - 2 months. I have learned to question our agency with everything I read now and heard back that they already use the embassy approved translators - good to know. So we now just sit and wait for the remaining apostilles to be translated. Hopefully that will be done and the dossier on its way to the embassy by the end of the week. Maybe, just maybe, we can actually stay on track now and finish this adoption journey up without them (whoever "they" are) changing the rules on us again - hey I can hope can't I? LOL!!!

** edited to add that on the off chance some international adoption official is reading this, that that comment is made in 100% sarcastic humor mode. :-)

Sad day

We had our older dog put down this morning and I cannot stop crying. Kayro was Mike's dog long before I was in the picture, but I still feel like she was my dog too.

Kayro was shepard terrior mix and looked like a miniature German Shepard. She had a fierce personality if she did not like you but was truly a sweetheart if she did.

She has been sick for about 3 weeks now. Both of us knew her time was coming and she was not going to recover this time. We were both prepared to lose her, but we both hoped it would be natural. This morning she could barely move and when Mike tried to sit her up she would just fall over. It was time.

I miss her so much right now and cannot stop crying. Mike is cleaning like a mad man right now I think to not to have to think about what happened. He stopped for while when I got home and we both just fell apart. He is back to cleaning now.

Chance, our other dog, a black lab, does not seem to be phased by her absence yet. Maybe its too soon for him to notice. Maybe he just won't notice - I don't know.

Goodbye Kayro - I love you.

Quick Turn Around

Our dossier made it to my desktop early this afternoon. I spent my lunch hour photo-copying and re-stapling all the documents. I had to make 2 photocopies of each document and apostille certificate to send back with all the originals. So now they are on their way to the agency who will hopefully keep their word and will get the apostilles translated immediately and get them back to the Kaz Embassy.

A little background...I told you a few days ago our dossier was returned because of the change in how the dossier was to be put together. What I failed to mention was how angry I was about that. I was still too angry to write about it at the time and still have this be read by my mother - LOL!! Anyway, the reason I was so angry is that this change occured in mid-May and our dossier was submitted to them the first week of June (after the change was in effect). I read about this change a couple of weeks later and questioned my agency about it. They had heard nothing about the change. Now, not for nothing, but we are paying these people alot of money to help us through this and I expect my agency to stay on top of regulation changes and to know how to guide us through this journey. I don't feel I should be the one pointing out regulation changes.

Anyway, the reason this made me so angry is that this is exactly what happened while we were getting ready for Russia. I began reading about the pending changes in Russia and would then question the agency about it. I was repeatedly told that nothing was changing and that we would be fine. I was even told that since the child we were pursuing was over 4 he would not be affected by the changes. This of course was contrary to what I was reading on the message boards, but I was naive enough to believe what i was being told. At one point I was scolded about believing what I had read on the internet. Now, I am not a "told you so" type of person, but in the end what I was reading was the truth, and what the agency was telling me was not. We ended up being caught in the middle of all the chagnes and found it wise to cut our losses in Russia and just switch to Kazakhstan.

So now their not keeping up with regulation changes again has cost us almost a month of time. We would probably have traveled sometime in late August / early September but now it is looking more like October before we will get to finally meet our child.

Again I close with....what is meant to be will be....

To host or not to host

that is the question!

I came into work this morning to find the email below waiting for me in my inbox. I think hosting would be fun! The children are a bit older than we plan on adopting, but I think it would be fun to at least host and give these kids a couple weeks of fun. The timing for this would work out perfectly too. I already looked into day camp at the YMCA. There is a session that runs from August 1 - August 12.

From what I can gather from the limited info that I have is that the kids will arrive on July 21 (yes that is next Thursday - yikes!) and will be here for 3 weeks. I could take vacation days next Thurs and Fri, then take 1/2 days the following week. Mike is busy in the afternoons with the business so I would be home in the afternoon to spend with the child. Then the child could go to camp at the YMCA for the last 2 weeks. I think it would work out wonderfully.

I am waiting to hear back from the sponsoring agency to get more details. I'll discuss it with Mike this evening. Maybe I can be a "mom" for 3 weeks this summer! That would be awesome!!

Again I say...what is meant to be will be...


Oh - and our apostilled documents are "out for delivery" according to UPS.

email from agency:

Dear Prospective Host Family,

A short time ago you contacted Adopt a Miracle and expressed an interest in hosting a child from an orphanage in Eastern Europe for a summer adventure in America. Originally, we were asking hosting families to assist in paying for the child’s travel costs. We understand that the expense kept many of you from agreeing to host a child. Fortunately, we have been able to find sponsors who have offered to pay for the children’s travel costs.

With this new information, we are hoping many of you will now be able to consider hosting a child this summer. We have a group of children coming to New York City from Ukraine on July 21. Many of the children hoping to come still need host families. If you can travel to New York to pick the child up, you can take the child home with you for the hosting experience.

We have another group of children who would like to come later in the summer, or at Christmas time. The date and location depends on the number of families in a particular area who are willing to host. At this time we have a number of families in CA, CO and MI who are interested, but we can bring a group of children to your state if we have 6-7 host families.

If you have a completed home study, or at least background checks completed, you are qualified to host a child. Even if you do not plan to adopt, you can host a child. When your child is with you, we will arrange for the child to meet other families who may not be hosting but are interested in adopting children from Eastern Europe.

They did not lose them!

WOW!! Our documents are on their way back to us (gotta love UPS tracking)! I had them returned to my office so I can get them out to the agency ASAP. I should have them by early afternoon and can get them out to the agency before I head home tomorrow. This of course assuming they apostilled everything. I had documents returned one time because they could not find the notary had been registered with the state.

I did not mean for this to be the time to share this story, but since we are on the subject I'll go ahead and tell the story. THis happened sometime in early December, I think...I have had so many adventures with the this "fine" state office I cannot remember the actual timing of this, but here is what happened...

We were getting our final documents ready for Russia. I had sent the dossier to be apostilled and it was in the mail back to us the day after they received it. I was still naive about state workers at the time (I have grown much wiser after dealing with them - LOL) and was jumping up and down with joy that they were done so quickly. I get the package only to find out that they did not apostille all the documents. The documents notarized by my friend Gaby (who I know is a true Notary Public - i paid for it and was there when she was sworn in) were not apostilled. There was a note telling me she was not a Notary Public. So I call the Notary Unit...which as a side note is an adventure in itself. I was on the phone literally for an hour being transferred amongst various state agencies - apparently noone knows where or who the notary unit is. When I finally got to the right place I was told what the letter already stated. I explained that the Gaby was a Notary, and gave my reasons. The response was "well the computer says she isn't" AH...I see...the all knowing computer. To back track a little, the package I sent contained a letter with three different phone numbers to contact me if there was a problem with the documents. OK fast forward...I ask why I was not called. I was told "We are too busy to call people". Fine...whatever...keeping the ultimate goal in mind and trying to remember I may need these people again in the future, I bit my tongue and did not respond. OK...so how do we resolve this. She explains to me that she would need to contact the county to verify that Gaby was indeed a notary. I think...and why was this not done when the documents were still in their possession??? But again I bite my tongue. I say fine. She tells me to call back in an hour. Fine...I call back in an hour. After speaking with 3 people in the office the original lady gets back on the phone and asks me what the county said. I said what? She repeats, what did the county say? I say...I thought YOU were calling the county. Oh, she says. I didn't cuz I thought you were. I am dumbfounded and cannot even think of what to say!! Finally she says, call back in an hour and I'll call the county in the meantime. Fine. I wait 2 hours and call back. She says "Good news, Gaby is a notary" - yeah no kidding. So now what? She tells me to send the documents back and they will apostille them. I asked if I could just bring them in and get them apostilled while I wait? She asked how many....12. Her response: Oh no, there is no way we could do 12 in one day. (I wish I could be a state employee and feel overwhelmed by stapling a certificate to a piece of paper...12 times....oh my...what stress). Anyway...I sent the documents in and waited for them to be returned...and waited...and waited...OK the wait was only 3 or 4 days before I started getting worried. I called on the 5th day and they had no record of having received them. Thank god for UPS tracking. I was able to tell them when they were received and who signed for them. The manager of the department finally admitted to me that they were signed for by their department but they could not find them. Now let me take a side step here and explain that it took about 4 months to get all the paperwork together in the first place!! Ok back to the story....for the next few days I called Monica (the manager) only to be told the same thing...they do not know where they are, they are probably in another department and we have to wait for them to be returned....great. But she promises me she will call as soon as they find them...yeah right. Anyway, in the meantime i start to gather the documents again. I also checked UPS nightly to see if by any chance the documents were in the mail yet. One night when I had given up hope, I saw the words..."In transit"!!! Yippee...they were on their way back to us. Got the documents and sent them off to the agency for submission to Russia....

Let the nail biting begin - again

I finally got our documents to the state yesterday to be apostilled. Now I have to sit and wait and check UPS daily as the the papers are processed and hopefully not lost again! When they are processed correctly they usually go back out in the mail the day after they receive them, which means they should go out in tonights UPS pick up. I provided a prepaid envelope so I can track when the package actually goes out. My fingers are crossed that it does indeed go out tonight. Past experience tells me that if it does not go out within a couple of days, that they have lost / misplaced the documents!

I also heard back from the agency regarding the domestic adoption. Looks like a no-go for that situation for 2 reasons...the biggest is that the baby has already been placed, but the second reason would have been enough for us...the mother does not know if the father is caucasion or not. Since we want to adopt a caucasian or euroasian apprearing child, this just would be too much of a risk for us.

She's back...with little news

The coordinator is back from vacation. She responded on Friday with the information we were waiting for to fill in our Power of Attorney form. We could not get it apostilled with blanks, so we had to wait for the info to be sent to us. Unfortunately I did not see the email until last night, so I'll hopefully get that filled in and get the papers off to the state for apostilling today.

She unfortunately did not respond regarding the domestic adoption situation. Not sure if she is hoping we will just not pursue it or if she did not have a chance to respond. The "give everyone the benefit of the doubt" side of me wants to believe its the later of the two, but my experience with this agency is telling me its the first. Well I won't let it drop until I get an anwer so I sent an email this morning. If I don't hear from her by lunch I'll make a phone call to her. Again I say....what is meant to be, will be!

London

I don't know what to say. It brings back horrible memories of 9/11. The fact that it is of smaller scale is so insignificant right now. The message is the same....we are NOT safe...ever. It is a scary time we are living in and just when you think it could be getting better, we are attacked. When I say we, I refer to the entire world - not just NYC, or London, or Madrid.

My heart goes out to the people of London. I would not wish the fear that now encompasses that city on anyone. I experienced it on 9/11 and do not EVER want to live through another day like it.

Wandering aimlessly

I wonder at times if we will ever have a child to call our own. It is frustrating when there is absolutely nothing you can do to control a situation. I like to be in control, or at least feel as if I am in control.

Our coordinator is on vacation this week so it is not likely I will hear anything regarding the domestic adoption possibility I came across yesterday. I am cautiously excited about that little baby, because I think it would work out very nicely! I am keeping my fingers crossed that this may be our little one, but I am trying not to get my hopes up - but it is hard not to. What is meant to be will be....

In the meantime I am waiting for a response as to how to fill out one last piece of paper for our dossier for Kazakhstan. Once I have this info I can submit the remaining documents to be apostilled. What is an apostille? - in the simplest terms, it is the great state of NJ's stamp of approval regarding the legitimacy of the notary who notarized the document. Its not expensive, just nerve wracking to get done. It shouldn't be nerve wracking, but you see the state has managed to lose our dossier not once, but twice!! Fortunately they found it both times - took 2 weeks the first time and 3 days the second. As an FYI, I have submitted documents for apostillng on 4 different occassions - can you sense why I am a bit nervous about doing it again!!! I am looking at a 50/50 chance of them not losing the most valuable set of documents I have ever worked on!

My first post!

Hello!

We are on what seems a never ending journy to adopt a child. I won't give all the details at this point as I don't want to bore everyone with my first post, but I will give a little background now. I'll try and fill in the holes later on.

We started this journey in February 2004 when we decided to adopt from Russia. In June I had fallen in love with a picture of a dear little boy named Andrey who was 4 years old. We had hoped and had been told we'd have him home by that Christmas - well that did not happen! To make a long story short, Russia changed many of its adoption laws and we got caught up in lots of political red tape. We eventually switched countries and are now pursuing an unknown child in Kazakhstan.

Our dossier was completed (we thought) and submited to our agency Memorial Day weekend. They had them translated and submittedt to the Kazakhstan Embassy in Washington DC. This is supposed to be a 2 month process but due to sudden changes in the way the dossier is supposed to be assembled we had our documents returned to us to get more apostilles done (I'll explain later). We just got the documents back on Saturday. I hope to get them sent to the state for apostilling later today. Hopefully the state will not lose them AGAIN (again - I'll explain later).

Today I saw our agency has a baby to be born in September that is available for adoption. This would be a domestic adoption which we had originally shyed away from, but it says the mother does not want contact after birth (which is why we had shyed away from domestic adoptions), so we are looking into this. The description / situation sounds too good to be true, but considering it seems like the international thing does not seem to be working, maybe this is the direction we are meant to go. We'll see...what is meant to be will be.