Dear D,
This is probably one of the most difficult emails I have ever had to write, but it must be done.
After much thought, Mike and I decided this weekend we are going stop our adoption process. At this point we feel that we have been through enough emotionally and I don't think we can put up with it anymore. We both feel we have been lied to and mislead on a number of occasions, and frankly we cannot stand to be lied to anymore. The lies lead to excitement which turns into painful disappointment when what we are told turns out to be untrue. Our marriage has been affected by all of this and it is time we step back and re-focus on ourselves. Maybe someday in the future we can re-consider adoption, but at this point, we must move forward with alternate plans.
We feel as if we have been fighting a losing battle for nearly 2 years now, and honestly we cannot fight it anymore. It has worn us down and we have no fight left. While the decision saddens us it also gives us a sense of relief and excitement. We feel as if a huge weight has been lifted and is allowing us to clearly focus on the future and what may be - no more putting things on hold due to possibly traveling "soon". So it is with a combined sense of sadness and excitement for the future, I inform you….we are done.
Regards,
After much thought, Mike and I decided this weekend we are going stop our adoption process. At this point we feel that we have been through enough emotionally and I don't think we can put up with it anymore. We both feel we have been lied to and mislead on a number of occasions, and frankly we cannot stand to be lied to anymore. The lies lead to excitement which turns into painful disappointment when what we are told turns out to be untrue. Our marriage has been affected by all of this and it is time we step back and re-focus on ourselves. Maybe someday in the future we can re-consider adoption, but at this point, we must move forward with alternate plans.
We feel as if we have been fighting a losing battle for nearly 2 years now, and honestly we cannot fight it anymore. It has worn us down and we have no fight left. While the decision saddens us it also gives us a sense of relief and excitement. We feel as if a huge weight has been lifted and is allowing us to clearly focus on the future and what may be - no more putting things on hold due to possibly traveling "soon". So it is with a combined sense of sadness and excitement for the future, I inform you….we are done.
Regards,
posted by Kim @ 10:52 AM
10 Comments:
At 11:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hi. I am from Brazil and my name is Alb. I am married and we have a beautiful biological son , six years old. We are inscribed for adoption program and curiously we´re having a lot of problems in our relationship. Casually i read your blog and i think, obsvioully, every case is one cas but i felt a wish to write to you. Good luck and sorry about my english. Bye
At 2:11 PM,
C Squared said…
Kim,
Best of luck to you and Mike in your endeavor to grow a family together. Some day you will look back on the past two years and it will make some sense. It may not be until you are old and gray, but eventually you will come to understand, at least a little. Take care of yourself.
At 2:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
Kim,
Good luck to you and your husband. I understand the anguish you have been through and I am glad that it is over for you. I applaud you for making such a tough decision, and I'm sure that things will work out for you. I will miss reading your blog. If it makes you feel any better, your willingness to share your experience in this very public forum has made it easier for others to go through this very difficult process. Thank you.
Larry
At 5:17 PM,
Dee said…
Kim,
I came across your blog today when searching for other blogs on adoption. I just wanted to say I am truly sorry for what you have experienced and wish you the best of luck. I know all too well the pain and disappointment adoption can bring. My husband and I have been trying to adopt domestically for 2 years. We have had some close calls along with many disapointments. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Take care.
At 1:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hi Kim, I'm so sorry. I have been at the point you were at prior to your decision to not continue more times than I'd like to admit. And I have told everyone that listens that if this next travel date is moved, that's it. One week from today I'm supposed to be leaving to meet my daughter. But I don't believe it.
What a difficult decision this was for you. I'm happy that you can get some relief from the hell you've been living with (even if only for a short while). For all things, there is a reason.
Take care,
sue
At 11:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
I check on your blog every so often(lost and finding) , so I had to catch up. I am so sorry for all you have been through. I don't blame you a bit for deciding to move on. Everyone must make a decision where to draw the lines in their lives. I you can dream new dreams and make some of them come true.
At 11:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
Kim,
I don't know if you are still checking this...sorry this comment comes to you so late....
I just wanted you to know that I was horrified to read these last posts, and I am so, so sorry. I'm thinking about you. Heidi (lost and finding)
At 12:59 PM,
MBA Community Ministries said…
I wanted to tell you that we do understand that rollercoaster thing...we too adopted through Social Services in our state and we have a beautiful 11 year old boy(he was 9 when adopted him) and we are having the BEST time with him watching him grow and helping him through his challenges. He is growing and blooming every day!
When you get a bit mroe settled after all this...think about it..
www.adoption.com has great profiles of kids who need homes like yours!
At 12:21 PM,
Anonymous said…
Kim;
I don't know if you are still checking your blog for updates since it has been a while since you decided to end your adoption process. However, I hope that you are.
I have a very similar story as you have with your experiences to adopt in Kazakhstan. Fortunately, I prevailed - although I was about to stop the process as well and now have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter from Karaganda Kazakhstan.
The Kazakhstan government did indeed change their laws for international adoption which delayed our adoption by about 8 months. We left for Kazakhstan 16 months after our initial contact to the adoption agency and about 11 months after our dossier was first submitted.
We also had to submit a second dossier and go through all of the emotional hurdles as well. Towards the end, I felt very much like you - that we were being lied to and that the emotional drain was costing our marriage and family too much strain. Luckily, we were give our date to travel just a few weeks after we began to think about stopping the whole process.
I know that every adoption story has a different ending, but I hope the best for you. I know the strain you were in, and even though my story ended up as I wanted, I hope that your story ends the way you want.
May the gods bestow comfort and joy into your heart.
Connie
At 7:57 AM,
Unknown said…
my parents were in a waiting list nearly 10 years before they finally adopted me. don't loose hope.
Post a Comment
<< Home