More lies...no more hurt...just ANGER

Out of fear of things going bad on us, I did not post that we received an email from D last week saying the D2 had everything he needed for our LOI but was waiting for our travel dates before releasing them. (or something along those lines. I do not have the email here, but will post it once I find it) In all honesty I was not that excited - perhaps I have gotten excited one too many times and the pain of being let down time after time had finally caught up to me. In fact when a friend asked if I was excited, I said no...not even a little bit.

For the past few weeks I have been pretty unemotional about the adoption - in fact I didn't thing I had any emotion left regarding the adoption. But the email last week had given me a glimmer of hope that maybe today we would get our travel dates.

Well today I received and email from D with the subject "Kazakhstan". My heart started to pound in my chest...really hard... and I just stared at it for a moment before opening it...could this be it? Part of me hoped it was and part of me hoped it wasn't (for reasons which will not be discussed here). So I clicked, and this is what I read (with my thoughts interjected in blue):

"Hi,

I know you are all ready to hear what Kazakhstan is doing now. I realize there has been a list circulating on the internet of the new requirements. Just remember that I can't do anything about new laws and requirements except tell you about them. (this is not going to be good...but keep reading)

[D2] is back and called the Embassy today. The Embassy says that the list going around came from the New York Kazakhstan Consulate and that they the Washington DC Kazakhstan Embassy have not finalized a list or requirements or issued forms for the new requirements yet. These forms will be issued next week. [D2] said you just have to realize this is a third world country and they do not always work together. (she always needs to throw in "D2 says...as if that is going to make what is being said any more credible - in reality I am somewhat surprised this woman can function as a human being with our D2 telling her what to say or do) Anyway for those of you who have your dossier completed they will go through the dossier and tell you what you need to do.

All of you who have had your dossiers in Kazakhstan have all had your dossiers returned to the Embassy in DC. (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????? Last week we were told our visa invites were ready - how can that be if our dossier was sent back to DC?????)

We do know that you need to have fingerprint cards that are sent to the FBI as one of the new requirements (yeah, this has been floating around for at least a month and now you are saying you know - like you are telling us something we don't already know). I will put instructions on how to do this at the end of this letter. And we know that there is a new medical report form so you could go ahead and make medical appointments for the week after next and you will have the new form by then (great another $50 in co-pays, in addition to the $50 in co-pays for when we have to go back for our physical and blood work for our visa).

Please get back with me if you have questions (like she even needed to say that). We would really like to get these dossier back to Kazakhstan as soon as possible (gee thanks). It will be possible for some of you to travel together and they are going to try their best to not have this slow you down much. (yeah right)."



My initial reaction, was amazingly not hurt nor disappointment...it was pure anger. They had straight up lied to me again last week. When I told Mike about the email in which we were told our LOIs were ready he just repied saying he did not believe them and they were "bullshitting assholes". I actually defended them - how stupid do I feel now? He is 100% right.

So what does all this mean for us...it means alot. Our finger prints for INS will expire January 1, 2006 meaning not only will we need FBI fingerprints, we will have to have fingerprints done for "homeland security" as well. Yes more money....plus processing time to get the new INS clearance. More importantly, this delay seals the deal on the fact that we will not have a child in 2005. This delay could potentially cost us another $300 and we are figuring 2-3 months time.

Becuase of something else going on in our lives (again, not to be discussed here) we had decided a couple of months ago that if we were not in Kaz by October 31 (or at least preparing to go) we would pull the plug on the adoption. Well...we won't be in Kaz by October 31.

That is all for now. I am beyond pissed right now. I don't really feel disappointed, I mean how much more disappointed could I actually get? I feel I am at rock bottom of the disappointment pit...I cannot go any further! All I feel is ANGER. Maybe that is telling me something. Maybe I need to be focusing on other things and just let go...after all I am not disappointed by what is stated in the email - I am just angry because I was flat out lied to.

This is probably one of my last posts in this blog. I think our "Journey to Adopt" is coming to an end.