Adoption Update
Well...we did it. We accepted a referral of a darling little boy. It feels....well strange. I am not feeling that excitement I thought I would feel. Rather I am feeling skeptical, like this will never happen. Maybe its because we have been burned so many times in this process, that until I hear the judge say "he's yours" I won't be able to able to actually enjoy this process again. I want to be happy about this decision. i want to say "This will be my son." But I can't. I won't. Not this time. It hurt too much last time.
I have felt sick to my stomach all day today. Not sure why...I keep second guessing our decision, but then I look at his picture and look in his eyes and feel again like we did the right thing...like everything will work out and we will all be a happy family. His smile can melt even the coldest of hearts. His precious little face just makes me feel at peace...like this saga of ours will be worth every tear that I have shed. I cannot wait to hold him and hug him and tell him everything is going to be OK and most of all that I love him - no matter what. Then I close the picture and the sick feeling comes back. I am really starting to hate this whole process. This is supposed to be a happy time...happy like how I felt when I heard our papers made it to the embassy - but even that joy and excitement has long faded.
The grant paperwork is still in limbo. We are still trying to figure out how to list our income. I really need to speak with D about this, but have not been able to get her on the phone. She was away this weekend, so I'll try again this week. They do not fund the grant until the adoptinon decree is final so I guess we have time, but I'd still like to at least know if we are getting the grant or not.
Now that we have a child to focus on I have been giving a lot of thought to his bedroom. I'd like to put pergo-type hardwood floors down with a rug like the one in this picture, but I cannot find that rug anywhere on that site, so I'll have to look around for one that is close to that one. I have not decided yet on the wall color yet or bedding. But again...I have a lot of time to plan this out. I want it to be PERFECT for him!
I have felt sick to my stomach all day today. Not sure why...I keep second guessing our decision, but then I look at his picture and look in his eyes and feel again like we did the right thing...like everything will work out and we will all be a happy family. His smile can melt even the coldest of hearts. His precious little face just makes me feel at peace...like this saga of ours will be worth every tear that I have shed. I cannot wait to hold him and hug him and tell him everything is going to be OK and most of all that I love him - no matter what. Then I close the picture and the sick feeling comes back. I am really starting to hate this whole process. This is supposed to be a happy time...happy like how I felt when I heard our papers made it to the embassy - but even that joy and excitement has long faded.
The grant paperwork is still in limbo. We are still trying to figure out how to list our income. I really need to speak with D about this, but have not been able to get her on the phone. She was away this weekend, so I'll try again this week. They do not fund the grant until the adoptinon decree is final so I guess we have time, but I'd still like to at least know if we are getting the grant or not.
Now that we have a child to focus on I have been giving a lot of thought to his bedroom. I'd like to put pergo-type hardwood floors down with a rug like the one in this picture, but I cannot find that rug anywhere on that site, so I'll have to look around for one that is close to that one. I have not decided yet on the wall color yet or bedding. But again...I have a lot of time to plan this out. I want it to be PERFECT for him!
posted by Kim @ 7:42 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home