Adoption Journey

Dear D,

2005-10-27T10:52:00.000-04:00

This is probably one of the most difficult emails I have ever had to write, but it must be done.

After much thought, Mike and I decided this weekend we are going stop our adoption process. At this point we feel that we have been through enough emotionally and I don't think we can put up with it anymore. We both feel we have been lied to and mislead on a number of occasions, and frankly we cannot stand to be lied to anymore. The lies lead to excitement which turns into painful disappointment when what we are told turns out to be untrue. Our marriage has been affected by all of this and it is time we step back and re-focus on ourselves. Maybe someday in the future we can re-consider adoption, but at this point, we must move forward with alternate plans.
We feel as if we have been fighting a losing battle for nearly 2 years now, and honestly we cannot fight it anymore. It has worn us down and we have no fight left. While the decision saddens us it also gives us a sense of relief and excitement. We feel as if a huge weight has been lifted and is allowing us to clearly focus on the future and what may be - no more putting things on hold due to possibly traveling "soon". So it is with a combined sense of sadness and excitement for the future, I inform you….we are done.

Regards,

Our Decision

2005-10-26T19:08:00.000-04:00

We gave up our referral on Friday.

We decided to give up on the adoption on Sunday.

Have not sent the email to the agency yet - not an email that is easy to send. I feel like I am giving up on a dream, but it is obvious that the dream is not meant to be. But then I think I am really not giving up on a dream. My dream is to be a mom. Adoption was just my choice on how to become a mom. We still have options. Unlike many couples we started with adoption as our first choice for starting a famiy. Having a child naturally was something we would consider later. Well "later" is now. Our focus has shifted to having a bio child. Maybe that is what is meant to be.

In all honesty I feel pretty good about our decision. Either the reality has not hit me or our focus on a bio child added a sense of excitement back into our lives. I am betting on the second though. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted and we can start enjoying life again. For the past 2 years our lives have been on hold until "after the adoption". Now that that is done we can refocus on eachother and our little one to be (hopefuly!!)

Good bye for now.

More lies...no more hurt...just ANGER

2005-10-21T18:11:00.000-04:00

Out of fear of things going bad on us, I did not post that we received an email from D last week saying the D2 had everything he needed for our LOI but was waiting for our travel dates before releasing them. (or something along those lines. I do not have the email here, but will post it once I find it) In all honesty I was not that excited - perhaps I have gotten excited one too many times and the pain of being let down time after time had finally caught up to me. In fact when a friend asked if I was excited, I said no...not even a little bit.

For the past few weeks I have been pretty unemotional about the adoption - in fact I didn't thing I had any emotion left regarding the adoption. But the email last week had given me a glimmer of hope that maybe today we would get our travel dates.

Well today I received and email from D with the subject "Kazakhstan". My heart started to pound in my chest...really hard... and I just stared at it for a moment before opening it...could this be it? Part of me hoped it was and part of me hoped it wasn't (for reasons which will not be discussed here). So I clicked, and this is what I read (with my thoughts interjected in blue):

"Hi,

I know you are all ready to hear what Kazakhstan is doing now. I realize there has been a list circulating on the internet of the new requirements. Just remember that I can't do anything about new laws and requirements except tell you about them. (this is not going to be good...but keep reading)

[D2] is back and called the Embassy today. The Embassy says that the list going around came from the New York Kazakhstan Consulate and that they the Washington DC Kazakhstan Embassy have not finalized a list or requirements or issued forms for the new requirements yet. These forms will be issued next week. [D2] said you just have to realize this is a third world country and they do not always work together. (she always needs to throw in "D2 says...as if that is going to make what is being said any more credible - in reality I am somewhat surprised this woman can function as a human being with our D2 telling her what to say or do) Anyway for those of you who have your dossier completed they will go through the dossier and tell you what you need to do.

All of you who have had your dossiers in Kazakhstan have all had your dossiers returned to the Embassy in DC. (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????? Last week we were told our visa invites were ready - how can that be if our dossier was sent back to DC?????)

We do know that you need to have fingerprint cards that are sent to the FBI as one of the new requirements (yeah, this has been floating around for at least a month and now you are saying you know - like you are telling us something we don't already know). I will put instructions on how to do this at the end of this letter. And we know that there is a new medical report form so you could go ahead and make medical appointments for the week after next and you will have the new form by then (great another $50 in co-pays, in addition to the $50 in co-pays for when we have to go back for our physical and blood work for our visa).

Please get back with me if you have questions (like she even needed to say that). We would really like to get these dossier back to Kazakhstan as soon as possible (gee thanks). It will be possible for some of you to travel together and they are going to try their best to not have this slow you down much. (yeah right)."

My initial reaction, was amazingly not hurt nor disappointment...it was pure anger. They had straight up lied to me again last week. When I told Mike about the email in which we were told our LOIs were ready he just repied saying he did not believe them and they were "bullshitting assholes". I actually defended them - how stupid do I feel now? He is 100% right.

So what does all this mean for us...it means alot. Our finger prints for INS will expire January 1, 2006 meaning not only will we need FBI fingerprints, we will have to have fingerprints done for "homeland security" as well. Yes more money....plus processing time to get the new INS clearance. More importantly, this delay seals the deal on the fact that we will not have a child in 2005. This delay could potentially cost us another $300 and we are figuring 2-3 months time.

Becuase of something else going on in our lives (again, not to be discussed here) we had decided a couple of months ago that if we were not in Kaz by October 31 (or at least preparing to go) we would pull the plug on the adoption. Well...we won't be in Kaz by October 31.

That is all for now. I am beyond pissed right now. I don't really feel disappointed, I mean how much more disappointed could I actually get? I feel I am at rock bottom of the disappointment pit...I cannot go any further! All I feel is ANGER. Maybe that is telling me something. Maybe I need to be focusing on other things and just let go...after all I am not disappointed by what is stated in the email - I am just angry because I was flat out lied to.

This is probably one of my last posts in this blog. I think our "Journey to Adopt" is coming to an end.

We're leaving on a jet plane....

2005-10-15T07:23:00.000-04:00

We are off to Mayberry in a about half an hour!! YIPPEEE!!!! Gotta make a stop to drop Chance off at the kennel then we are off to Philadephia to catch our flight!!

Looks like a great weekend in the making. We are headed to the Nascar Cafe for dinner and BSing with a big group of our friends. It looking like there will be about 15 of us tonight! A good time will DEFINATELY be had by all - cannot wait!!

Then sometime in the next few days we will be headed to the NC Statefair. We went last year also and had a blast. We had county ham on a biscuit for the first time and OH MY GOD was it GOOD!!! I've been craving it for a year now!!!! Can't wait to have another one!

We'll also be introducing our friends to a classic NJ breakfast! They have never had "pork roll on a roll" before. In NJ that woud be considered a sin!! Although I grew up in NJ I never had one until I met Mike...but now that I have had it, I love it.

Well...I gotta get finished with the packing and light a fire under Mikes butt to get going!! Bye for now!

Rain Rain Go AWAY!!!

2005-10-13T20:28:00.000-04:00

I think it has been raining now for a week straight....literally!!! Of course during a time like this umbrellas always come in handy, but do you think I can find one? Nope. Now I know we have at least three somewhere, but I was only able to locate one. Good, right? Nope. The one I found has a hole in it. Still better than nothing.

But let it rain all it wants. The weather is supposed to be gorgeous in N. Carolina this weekend...which is exactly where we will be. We are headed to "Mayberry" (as our soon to be hosts lovingly refer to it) - aka Raleigh. We will be staying with our good friends Don and Shirley and will be able to see some of our "BS Gang" while we are there. I cannot wait for the get away!!

This week work has been nothing but stress, and I cannot wait for it to be over. I will be off Monday and Tuesday (we come home on Tuesday) so the time away will be very nice.

No news on the adoption. I sent an email to D earlier this evening. Hopefully we will hear something soon. I am starting to think this may not happen until 2006.

Weekend update

2005-10-10T05:05:00.000-04:00

We had a nice quiet weekend, which after my week last week was very nice. Stress at work had me exhausted and in bed by 8 PM everynight last week. Unfortnately I think the trend is going to continue this week too. But that is good, it keeps my mind focused on work, which right now is a REALLY good thing. Besides, if my group can pull off this project by the next Friday it will be a really BIG feather in our caps...my team is great and I have the utmost confidence we will get it done. Basically the powers that be in France decided to move a deadline up by 3 weeks and failed to tell us! We have been scrambling to get things ready on our end (which by the way is what prompted the last minute trip to Chicago last week) and I am confident we will be ready on Friday - the deadline!

It was a rainy, yucky weekend but we made the best of it. Saturday we went for corned beef at a local deli / restaurant. It's not quite Katz quality, but its the best thing around; Katz by the way has the BEST corned beef anywhere!!!! After that we went back home and just vegged out. Sunday, i got up, did the dishes and went grocery shopping - before 9 AM!! I vegged out all day watching football followed by my normal Sunday night TV shows...Extreme Homemakeover, Desperate Housewives and Grays Anatomy.

The rain seems to not want to go away! Its still raining...not really raining but that misty stuff that is just enough to be annoying, yet not enough to be rain in the true sense. The kind of rain where there is no perfect winshield wiper setting - even using the intermittent settings!

Yucky day

2005-10-08T08:07:00.000-04:00

It's just plain nasty out today. Looks like a perfect day to designate as "lazy day". I plan on planting my behind on the couch and working on my felt advent calendar. I don't know if I will end up keeping it or if I will give it to someone as a gift. I am really not looking forward to the holidays again this year, so there is no sense in counting down to Christmas. I have put a lot of work into it and really like it. If I end up keeping it it will just go to waste. I'd rather give it to a family that could get some joy from it.

Mike has a business appointment this afternoon, but I think that is all that is on his agenda. Not really a good day to be working on his car, so I have a feeling he will follow suit and have a lazy day with me. That will be nice. I have not seen him in a couple of days. I flew to Chicago Thursday morning, from work, and flew back in Friday morning and went straight back to the office. He was out on a business appointment when I got home last night, and I was in bed by the time he got home. SO as of this morning, I still haven't seen him...at least in an awakened state!!

Gotta go pay some bills now....yuck....

So much for hope

2005-10-07T18:34:00.000-04:00

Well the day has come and gone. I really had expected to have our LOI by today. But yet again, I set myself up for another disappoinment. I am really starting to believe that I am never going to be a mother. I am slowly becoming the nasty old neighbor that hates the site of kids and wants nothing to do with them. It has nothing to do with the kids actually. Its just the site and thought of them makes me hurt so bad - I just want the kids to go away. I never thought I had it in my heart to say that, but its true. I just cannot enjoy other peoples kids anymore. I know its not their fault, but the pain is so bad, I just cannot deal with it anymore. My daily goal it seems is to avoid kids - tough when your office is right next to the daycare center. I go in the building the long way just to avoid walking past the playground....sad, huh?

In all honesty I am not even looking forward to this adoption anymore. Honestly if we got the letter today, I cannot say with 100% certainty we'd follow through with this. It's just become such a nightmare, and I am not sure it is worth it. I am not even excited about our referral anymore. I am really close to letting the agency know to make him available to another family. The joy is just gone.

Maybe not having kids is what is meant to be. Am I willing to accept that? Hell no. Does that matter? Absolutely not. What I want or believe or am willing to accept has no affect on what will actually happen. I am not at all happy to not be a mother yet, and am DREADING the upcoming holidays. In fact I am planning on quiet holidays at home - just Mike and me. I just cannot be around kids this holiday season. I know it sounds self-centered, but I don't care. I cannot be concerned with hurting others else's feelings...I have to be concerned with mine. Last Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard enough - I just cannot go through it again. The only thing that got me through last year was the thought of our little guy being home by next Christmas. Now that is not going to happen either. Another Christmas without the joy of our litte one to share it with. So unless some miraculous event happens, the holidays are just going to SUCK.

I really hate this. All I want is a child. Its just not fair.

SLAM!!!

2005-09-28T11:28:00.000-04:00

I knew the feeing was too good to be true. I had been feeling really good about some other stuff going on in our life. Then today...SLAM!!! I just don't understand.

Anyway - as for the adoption, nothing new. Not really expecting anything before mid-October.

More later if I feel up to it.

Looking forward to a GREAT weekend

2005-09-23T05:48:00.000-04:00

The week is almost over and we are looking at the makings of a wonderful weekend. My parents are coming in tonight to spend the weekend with us. Tomorrow Mike and i are treating them to a "Night on the town". They celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year and our gift to them is tickets to Mama Mia and dinner at the 21 Club. So tomorrow is the night! The four of us will invading NYC for the evening of fun! My parents used to take me into the city for on a fairly regular basis to see the sites and many broadway shows. It's one of the traditions we hope to share with our future child in hopes that he will have the some of the same childhood memories.

The last 3 days were extremely LONG, which makes this weekend a very much NEEDED weekend! The seminar I was attending was good, but the days were very long. Add that to a nearly 3 hour trip in and out of the city (door to door) and you have the makings for a very tired me!!!

Although I will not go into detail we did receive some good news yesterday that opens the door for some potential good news in the future. There was a sigh of relief followed by the realization of the good that may come from hearing the news. Had the news not been good it would have basically been a door slamming in our faces. So all is good on that front for now.

As for adoption news. I received an email from D Tuesday stating that the person who signs LOIs is on vacation until October 1. She said the D2 thinks we will be travelling sometime between mid October and early November. Which, prior to her message stating we'd be travelling soon (which was 2 weeks ago), was what I had been thinking would be our approximate travel time anyway. Really, in all honesty, I am pretty unmoved by that email. I am so tired of the emotional rollercoaster that I have decided to get off. I am not giving up on the adoption, I am giving up on hoping that what we are told is actually true. I have taken on the mindset of Mike which is basically D and D2 are both full of sh!t and that I'll believe what they tell me when they provide proof...and by proof I mean the letter of LOI. So on the adoption front I am trying to emotionally remove myself from the process...not easy, but I am trying.

Well I am off to finish the work week...hopefully, if I can figure out how, I will have pictures to post of our night in the city after the weekend!

Giving up

2005-09-19T09:59:00.000-04:00

That's right...I give up. I am tired of asking "when?". I am tired of hearing "I'll look into it" or "I'll ask D2". I am tired of getting answers that are not entirely true. I just cannot put myself through this emotional turmoil anymore. I am done asking questions, and checking my email every 10 minutes for answers, or for that magical LOI. I am stopping short of saying I am done with adoption. but I am close.

The weekend was nice. Relatively uneventful, but nice and relaxing.

I'll be in NYC for three days starting tomorrow. I have to take a class for work "Transition to Management". Considering I have been in my position for over a year now, the whole "transition" part is a bit late, but I am looking forward to the class none the less. Others who have attended say it is really good. I am NOT looking forward to communting to NYC though, but forturnatly I will be staying overnight the first night, so really I only have to make the commute 2 times. A few days away from my normal routine will be nice.

UPDATE!!!! (not)

2005-09-13T18:42:00.000-04:00

crickets: chirp chirp chirp.....chirp chirp chirp....
me: [sigh]
crickets: chirp chirp chirp.....chirp chirp chirp...
agency:[silence]
crickets: chirp chirp chirp....chirp chirp chirp....
me: [sigh]

Our Prep call

2005-09-09T11:39:00.000-04:00

OK - so I don't read email as thoroughly as I should and realized around 6:00 that the 6:00 part was not EDT, but rather MDT, meaning we had to wait 2 more hours for the phone call.

So at 8:02 the phone rang and so began our 2+ hour conversation. Lots of adoption stories, some horror stories, but all ended with families bringing kids home. I guess our story will some day be told as one of the horror stories! Hopefully ours to will end up with a happy ending.

The call was informative in that she answered most of our questions. The details she planned on sharing with us were not all that informative as I had read most of what she told us on the message boards. So really, had the phone call ended one hour sooner, I still would have walked away with the same amount of "new" knowledge.

Some of the details of what she did tell us contradicted what D had told us and when I pointed that out she was quick to say she'd follow up with D. Which means that D will now have to go to D2 for an answer. Once D gets the answer back I am sure she will go back to who we spoke with last night, who will then communicate the answer back to us. Sounds crazy huh? Yup, but I would bet my last dollar that that is how it will go. So needless to say i am not going to hold my breath for a quick answer!

One of the issues is the child we are hoping to adopt in jeopardy. I am not going to over-react or get too nervous about it until I hear an answer on it, but it has to do with the age of child we are 'approved" for according to our homestudy vs the age of the child we are hoping to adopt. We were told last night we would need an updated homestudy which is contradictory to what D had told us previously. We'll see how this plays out.

All in all I guess it was a pretty good, somewhat informative call. It did however make us realize that this is really happening. This is real...we could be parents soon. We each dealt with that reality in extremely different ways last night - opposite ends of the spectrum in fact, and had a very long conversation about it. I honeslty am not sure where that conversation is going to lead us in regard to this adoption. At this point, all I can say is "What is meant to be, will be."

And we wait...

2005-09-08T07:45:00.000-04:00

So I tried to post yesterday about waking up every morning just hoping that today is the day we get the coveted email.."Good news, your LOIs have arrived". Yes, I know we should not be expecting anything for a couple more weeks, but hey, a girl can hope, right?? Anyway, it would take a miraculous turn of events for us to get the LOI before the end of September.

Then I got home to this email from D...
"D2 thinks you will probably go with another of our families and travel
soon so I will get [another agency employee] to make an appointment with you to go
over the travel papers."

Did you read that? "SOON"!!! When is SOON? I need specific details...not SOON!!! To someone waiting to go and get their child...SOON is like tomorrow! Oh well...at least we got some good news! Now if only everyone follows through on this and we do actually get to go "SOON".

I did schedule the aforementioned appointment, which is officially known as the "Travel Preparation Call". We will go over all the final paperwork we need to complete and hopefully get some answers to some travel related questions, although I am not holding my breath on that.

I guess I do really need to get started on this kids room, huh? I feel like I am suddenly slipping into panic mode, but don't know where to start in terms of getting ready to have a child in the house! As of right now our child will be naked because we have no clothes for him, be bored out of his mind cuz he has not toys yet....he will have a bed though, although it is currently in what is considered the guest room, and not at all decorated for a little boy....oh boy, we have a lot to do!!! But he will definately have LOVE....which I guess in the whole scheme of things is really the most important piece of the puzzle. And of that he will have more of than he'll know what to do with.

Elvis has left the building....

2005-08-29T16:02:00.000-04:00

Or, better yet, our dossier has left the country!!! WOO HOO!!!!! I spoke with D this afternoon and found out our dossier went to Kazakhastan "last Friday". Not sure if that means the 26th or the 19th (until i hear otherwise I am going to assume the 26th), but honestly it does not matter - I am just thrilled beyond words it is there!! This puts us on target to travel to Kaz in late October / early November. It would certainly be fitting to be home by Thanksgiving, but I really don't think that will happen. At this point I can only hope we will be with our son on Thanksgiving.

I guess I need to start thinking seriously about getting his room ready, huh?

Deja-vu

2005-08-24T07:58:00.000-04:00

Or rather Deja-blue(claws).

Our luck with Blueclaws tickets continues (now only if we could shift that luck to the adoption). Last night was an absolutely beautiful night so we decided to go to the Blueclaws game. Got to the ticket window and just as we were about to purchase our tickets...someone presented us with free ones again! Yay Us...again!!! AWESOME seats too - not that there are any bad seats in the small stadium, but these were right behind the BC dugout - literally right behind...I am talking 1st row!! How cool is that? It was a MUCH better game than Sundays, although they lost again, this time it was only 2-1.

So...adoption news....there are rumors floating around on the message boards that things in Almaty region (which is where we think we are going) are slowing down and may come to a halt. There is some confusion as to whether this is the whole region or just Almaty city. Our agency says its just the city and the child we are hoping to adopt is in the region, but not the city, so we should be OK (yeah, right - I have heard that before - hmmmm....more deja vu?). There are basically 2 rumors regarding the delay. The first is that they are stopping adoptions because agencies are not submitting the required post-placement reports. The other is that things will stop in September due to presidential elections. Either way I don't like the sounds of this. It is looking more and more likely that we will not have a child in 2005 ~ which in addition to just plain sucking for a whole lot of reasons, opens a whole new can of worms in that most of our papework will expire January 1, 2006 ~ which basically means we have to start over....AGAIN.

In which I learn how to go to the dump

2005-08-22T19:26:00.000-04:00

Before I start...for an adoption update click here . Yeah, pretty exciting, huh?

Now that that is out of the way...the weekend in review!

I really needed some "Zabel" time this weekend so I decided Friday afternoon to pack my bags and hit the road to Skaneateles to spend some time with my mom and dad. I had a great time just hanging out and shopping at the outlets with my mom. Mom got a great deal on some silverware and I bought a pair of shoes! NY has tax on clothing, and NJ doesn't, so I didn't buy anything else. Dad was in a big Regatta this weekend, so I didn't get to see as much of him as I normally do, but I thoroughly enjoyed the time we did have.

I got home late Sunday afternoon, and was quickly whisked back out the door to go to the Blueclaws game. Went to get on line to get tickets, and some man offered us free ones! Yay us! The blueclaws however were not so lucky...when we left in the 8th inning it was 12-0! Not a good day for them - oh well, it was fun.

So now the dump story...I learned how to go to the dump!! LOL!! I had never been to the dump...at least not without someone who knew what they were doing. Mom and I were on "dump duty" this weekend because dad was busy with the regatta - he usually takes care of the weekly dump run. So mom and I were schooled in "dump ettiquette" which I must say there really is none. I patiently waited in line only to learn there really was not a line and as long as you could carry the garbage bag it was pretty much who ever could get their bag into the bin first. Fortunately there are no rude people in Skaneateles, so after figuring out the process was able to get the garbage out of the car an into the proper bins - of which there are 5 and are very poorly marked. My fellow dumpers must have felt they were being stalked as I sat starring at people trying to figure out what they were dumping where! Oh well...it was learning experience. Dad is no longer allowed to attend a regatta on dump day.

Lies, cheats, and decption

2005-08-18T21:00:00.000-04:00

No, I am not describing the adoption process (although fitting as it may be)...

Big Brother 6!!! holy crap is all I can say! The "friendship" is getting on my nerves and Maggie definately needs to go...she needed to go a few weeks ago. Howie and Janelle had me crying I was laughing so hard...I'll never be able to eat a pepperoni pizza with a straight face again! LOL!!! How funny was that? Yes, April needs to go as well...the whole "friendship" needs to go.

If only there was an "America's Choice" nomination and eviction...how cool would that be? My vote would DEFINATELY go to Maggie.

Nope

2005-08-18T18:27:00.001-04:00

Nada.............

nothing...........

zip.....................

zilch..................

just deafening silence......

.................sigh......................

Inner Peace

2005-08-17T12:35:00.000-04:00

"borrowed" from another blog....credit going to another adoptive family currently in Kazakhstan. This is an amazing family by the way. They are there adoption thier 3rd and 4th Kaz kids. This is in addition to the 2 or 3 bio kids they have.

"Dr. Phil proclaimed that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see anything I might have started and not finished; and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of white Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freakin' good I feel."

and in case you were wondering, as of 12:38 EDT, no news on the adoption front.

Withdrawal....

2005-08-16T18:48:00.000-04:00

Or is it withdrawl...I don't know...don't care, really! LOL!!

Anyway...I am suffering from a lack of little league tonight. The regional finals are over and we have to wait until Friday for the next televised game. Toms River lost last night :-( but I guess that is OK cuz now I can watch the rest of the LL World Series without any stress! I can just sit back and enjoy watching the kids play. Its fun to watch them play because you know they are there because they LOVE to play...nothing to do with money at this point of their lives. These 11 and 12 year olds just amaze me with their ability and their innocence and down-right love of the game. Truly a joy to watch.

No news on the adoption front...sigh...

Good night! Maybe some good news tomorrow...

Air miles: Good News....Bad News....Good News

2005-08-15T05:30:00.000-04:00

As I wait for news regarding our dossier at the embassy, I decided to start looking into using our US Air miles for our trip. I tried logging in this weekend, and could not for the life of me remember my acct number. This prompted me to call US Air this morning to find my acct number. Well lo and behold, I have 3 Dividend accounts with them! Who knew?? Anyway long story short, with all 3 combined accts I have about 50K in airline miles!!!! So that's the good news...

The bad news...US Air does not go to Almaty!!! I have to see if any of its affiliates do.

BUT....US Air does however go to a vacation spot Mike and I have been wanting to return to for a while, and I have just enough airmiles for 2 round trip tickets...making this a REAL possiblity! We are looking for a relatively cheap hotel, and if we can find it, we are going!! We'd like to take one last romantic get-away before we are a family of 3. We are looking at a mid-week getaway towards the end of September for our 4th anniversary! It will take 3 days to merge all the accounts and get my name right on them all (they were all opened under my maiden name); apparentely they can only merge or make changes one at a time...whatever...regardless, by the end of the week we should know if we can take our (hopefully) last* romantic vacation for a while!!!

* I say hopefully last, because if everything works our, our next real vacation get-away will require something kid friendly!!!

Friday Funny

2005-08-12T15:56:00.000-04:00

The list below was sent to me, and honestly it was just what I needed! A good laugh!! My favorites are highlighted!!

We are off to the drive-in again tonight. We have a signing in the same area so we figured we'd just make a date out of it! Tomorrow Toms River plays in the finals for the Mid-Atlantic regionals...the winner is on to Williamsport for the Little League World Series! We'll proably miss the game cuz we are planning a day at the beach. If you haven't figured it out yet, I LOVE following the LLWS (even if TR is not in it). I look forward to it all summer! Tonight is the first televised game, but we will miss it (I think its the Great Lakes regional finals but not sure).

And now for you reading pleasure....

Best "out of office" auto-responses

1) I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2) I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3) You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4) Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

5) I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on ______. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6) Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7) The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

8) Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9) Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

10) I am on vacation. Your e-mail has been deleted.

11) Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

12) Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

13) I've run away to join a different circus.

14) I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Yvette'.

No news to report

2005-08-11T18:47:00.000-04:00

Not sure how this post is going to end up, cuz I don't think I have anything to say, but we'll see how that ends up!

Anyway, today is not a good day. I am feeling really down today, and my commute home this evening did not help at all. 4 accidents turned my 1 hour communte in to nearly 2 hours (including a stop to pick up dinner). I was not a real happy camper when I got home tonight. If I didn't like my job as much as I do, I'd probably look for something closer.

No word on the adoption front, but I really am not expecting anything for a couple more weeks. I sent another email asking for the receipt for our document submission to the embassy, but still no response. I am starting to worry that maybe they have not been submitted and just not wanting to tell us the truth - in all honesty, it would not surprise me in the least. I am holding on to hope that because R got word yesterday her docs are in Kaz now, that mine did at least make it to the embassy...hope....its a funny thing.....

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately about other families going through this rocess. It seems the process goes totally smooth for some and is a real bumpy road for others, with no middle road. I'd give anything to be on the middle road...I know better than to ask for the smooth path. I can at least hope for the middle ground...again hope....I guess though I must settle for the bumpy road.

Regarding the referral...I have gotten several emails about details. Please don't be offended, but I think we are going to keep the details a secret for now. At least until things become a bit more solidified. It's hard to explain the rational for this, but please know its more for my own mental well being than anything. Believe me, I will fill in ALL details if and when we finally finish this process.

Oh and to add to my "great" day...TRLL lost again today.

There is hope...

2005-08-10T10:45:00.000-04:00

I have not heard back from Asst. Stork about whether or not the other agnecy submitted our paperwork through them, but I did hear some good news about a friend of mine using the same agency that are using. Her dossier was submited to Kaz yesterday!! YAY for her! I know she is excited and I am sooooo happy for her! So whether it was Asst Stork or someone else - the documents did make it to the Embassy (at least hers did - LOL!!)

Not only is that good news for her, but good news for us...I hope. We were both notified on the same day that our dossiers had been submitted to the Embassy, which I hope means that ours is not too far behind theirs in terms of making it across the big pond (and some land too). I have an email to D to get an update. Update: apparently theirs was a couple of weeks ahead of ours. The response I received from D was that "a family a couple of weeks ahead of you had theirs sent to Kazakhstan yesterday" (OK not an exact quote - but you get the idea). I can only assume this is them. If that holds true we have a couple more weeks to wait - so we wait....

Also, we may need to get a new INS clearance. The age of the child we accepted is not within the age range we had originally been approved for. I am not sure if the INS cares or not - so that is another email to D, asking if we need to do anything about that. So that may be another little bump in the road - we shall see. Update: according to D the age is not listed on the clearance paperwork for the INS (I cannot remember the name of the form right now H-something I think). So we are good to go on that front.

If I get any more news today, I will be sure to update this post!
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R sent me a link to the blog of another family who is currently in Kaz. It seems I am not the only one with bad luck (although it seems as if theirs is getting better)!!! As soon as I figure out how, I will add the blogs of the families currently in Kaz so you can get an idea of what we are in for!

Uh - oh

2005-08-09T13:24:00.000-04:00

Earlier I had posted about wanting to get the receipt for our dossier being submitted to the Embassy. I had not heard back from D regarding this (not that I really thought I would), so I contacted the Assistant Stork, the courier they supposedly used to get our dossier where it needed to go. This is the response I got:

"Dear Kim,

We have not processed a Kazakhstan dossier for [your agency] since March of 2004. I don't know who they use now, but it's not us."

Hmmmmm.....OK - I am not going to over-react....YET. I am going to go on the assumption that it was submitted under XYZ - (the agency ours is working through). I wrote back asking about XYZ, so I'll have to wait and see. This could make for an "interesting" phone call to D tomorrow!
I need to go put on some protective gear because I sense that big pendulum beginning its downward swing to send me back onto my ass again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But good news...TRLL won again this morning. After losing to PA yesterday they came back with a vengance and gave Maryland a butt-kicking.

Adoption Update

2005-08-08T19:42:00.000-04:00

Well...we did it. We accepted a referral of a darling little boy. It feels....well strange. I am not feeling that excitement I thought I would feel. Rather I am feeling skeptical, like this will never happen. Maybe its because we have been burned so many times in this process, that until I hear the judge say "he's yours" I won't be able to able to actually enjoy this process again. I want to be happy about this decision. i want to say "This will be my son." But I can't. I won't. Not this time. It hurt too much last time.

I have felt sick to my stomach all day today. Not sure why...I keep second guessing our decision, but then I look at his picture and look in his eyes and feel again like we did the right thing...like everything will work out and we will all be a happy family. His smile can melt even the coldest of hearts. His precious little face just makes me feel at peace...like this saga of ours will be worth every tear that I have shed. I cannot wait to hold him and hug him and tell him everything is going to be OK and most of all that I love him - no matter what. Then I close the picture and the sick feeling comes back. I am really starting to hate this whole process. This is supposed to be a happy time...happy like how I felt when I heard our papers made it to the embassy - but even that joy and excitement has long faded.

The grant paperwork is still in limbo. We are still trying to figure out how to list our income. I really need to speak with D about this, but have not been able to get her on the phone. She was away this weekend, so I'll try again this week. They do not fund the grant until the adoptinon decree is final so I guess we have time, but I'd still like to at least know if we are getting the grant or not.

Now that we have a child to focus on I have been giving a lot of thought to his bedroom. I'd like to put pergo-type hardwood floors down with a rug like the one in this picture, but I cannot find that rug anywhere on that site, so I'll have to look around for one that is close to that one. I have not decided yet on the wall color yet or bedding. But again...I have a lot of time to plan this out. I want it to be PERFECT for him!

And They're off....

2005-08-08T19:30:00.000-04:00

No....not us....not to Kazakhstan....(yet)....

The horses at the Haskell Invitaional. Sunday was Monmouth Park's "big" race. I still don't know what the big deal about that race is, but we went, and we got our free bright orange hats.

Mike was the big winner this weekend...I didn't win a single race. My trusted method of picking horses simply by name, failed me (surprise...i didn't win anything). Anyway, Mike "won" on the big race by hitting the trifecta (picking the horses that come in 1, 2, 3). Don't get excited...his "win" netted him -$12....no that is not a typo...he lost $12 on a winning ticket. Yes, only someone associated to me could be that lucky. But even the racing gods apparently know when I've hit my limit of humiliation, and smiled upon us (rather Mike, god fibid I have any luck) and he again hit the trifecta. This time he netted close to $250!!! I guess I need not be bitter about that! In the end it was a good day. We came close to breaking even, including the fortune it cost us to get our butts into seats for the day. Even got dinner out of the deal!

Saturday we went to see Wedding Crashers...HILARIOUS!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a movie in a long time. Not a movie I'd go see with my mother, but funny none the less! Go see it if you haven't seen it.

Go Toms River!!

2005-08-08T17:51:00.000-04:00

Our "infamous" little leaguers are on the path to Williamsport! This is not the same little league that made it to the LL World Series three years in a row a few years ago. This is the other TRLL. There are two LL organizations in Toms River. TRLL and TRELL (Toms River East Little League). This year "our" LL made it.

The are 1-1 in the regional play-offs in Bristol, CT.

A look into our pending adventure

2005-08-06T15:32:00.000-04:00

Here is the blog of another family who just today landed at JFK bringing their son Otis home. The blog chronicles the ups and downs of their time in Kaz. It'll definately make you laugh, and may also tug at your heart-strings as the obviously fall in love with their new little man!

Much ado about nothing

2005-08-02T20:36:00.000-04:00

Not a whole lot to post...in fact I have nothing regarding the adoption. I am starting to think that maybe I will just post a weekly update until things get moving again.

As for everyday life, we had a great weekend. By Monday evening we were joking that we needed a day to recover from our "relaxing weekend"

Saturday we had a picnic with some old friends of ours. Sunday we went to our god-daughters b-day party, then Sunday night went to the only drive-in theater in NJ. I did not even know there were any left until I stumbled onto the website of this one. The only problem is that it is nearly 2 hours away! But, it was worth the trip...until it was time to go home...you see the only problem with driving 2 hours there, is that you have to drive 2 hours BACK HOME!!! The first movie started at 9, and the second started about 12!! We decided around 12:30 that we should start the 2 hour trek back home! We slept in a little on Monday then headed out to "Old Barney", the lighthouse on Long Beach Island. It was a gorgeous day! The sunburn on my back proves it!! LOL!!

Bye for now...I think I will make Wednesdays my "update days" for a while...this way I only bore you once a week instead of daily!!

A bunch of "Nothing"

2005-07-29T05:38:00.000-04:00

Nothing really to update you on regarding the adoption. The "high" I was on is starting to fade as we begin our wait for the next phase to begin . As I really don't know the exact date our dossier went to the Embassy, I am going to "guesstimate" it arrived on Wednesday - which means we are 2 days into our 6-8 week wait. I am going to ask for a copy of the receipt of the dossier being submitted - for two reasons. First, I just really do not totally trust D2 and B and I want to be sure the dossier has indeed been submitted, and second, and more importantly, I want it for a scrap book for our little guy. I doubt I'll get it.

Well its Friday and I LOVE summer Fridays!! Summer Fridays = half work days = a happy Kim!! Today is even better because we are having our annual R&D picnic. We are leaving work at 9:39 to head off to the picnic grounds - I am looking forward to it. We even get to wear shorts today!! (how dull is my life if I am getting excited over shorts? LOL!!)

Its supposed to rain tonight and tomorrow, so part of the weekend is bust. Sunday is supposed to be nice and it is also the day we go celebrate our god-daughters 4th b-day! I cannot believe she is 4 already! SHe is adorable (the youngest of 4 - with 3 older brothers), and already knows she is the princess of the family! I love wathcing her "rule" over her brothers - she cracks me up!! And she shares my love of shoes! Recently after her mom bought her a new dress she says, "that's nice Mom, but I need a new pair of shoes to go with the dress!" I cracked up when I heard that! A girl after my own heart!!

And in case you were wondering (which you probably weren't) I did not get to see Dr. Hottie - he was out of the office. And to top it off I had to wait over an hour just to be seen - it was NOT a good day at the dentist - oh...I got a lot of people in trouble there that day too. I was NOT a happy patient.

Bye for now!

YIPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-07-27T15:01:00.000-04:00

I just receive this update from D....

"Good news, your papers have gone to the Embassy! [D2] has the receipt from Asst. Stork. And he has the updates [you had asked about]."

I am speechless!!!! This is a HUGE step everyone!!!!! I just want to jump up and down and scream!!!!! I am soooooooooo excited right now that I could just BURST!!!!! I want to enjoy this moment to its fullest, because its going to be a long wait until the next step...or at least it is going to seem like a long wait!! It should be 4 - 6 weeks before going to the next step...

OMG!!! I cannot believe this is actually happening!!!!!!!

Don't shoot the messenger

2005-07-27T12:32:00.000-04:00

I think I have been guilty of "shooting the messenger". I am getting very frustrated by the lack of response I am getting from D in regard to the status of our dossier and answers to other important questions. But unfortunately for her, the lack of communication I think is coming from D2 and B - not from her. I have to admit, that she has resonded quickly to my inquiries even if the only answer is "I have asked D2". I expressed my frustration to this fact this morning to her and told her I hope that when we are in Kaz they respond more quickly. Things will go wrong (simply because I am involved - LOL), and I'd rather they not wait until it is "convenient" for them (meaning D2 and B) to respond to our latest mishap.

So here is the latest...I sent the check to get the dossier moving. Oh wait...that was my last update. You get the point. I have no clue yet as to whether or not our dossier has left the desk of D2 or B. Its next stop is with "The Assistant Stork" who puts the dossier togehter in its proper format and hand delivers it to the Kaz Embassy. My hope is that it is at the very least on its way there.

Good things are starting to happen to those around me, so maybe some of the luck will rub off on me! My friend G just got a new job offer and things are starting to fall in place for her after her recent re-location to Florida! I am so happy for her because for a while things did not seem to be working out for her and I sensed her beginning to question her move. I am glad to see someone pursuing a dream and having things slowly but surely fall into place.

Other random things for today...

I spent 5 minutes staring at food in the cafeteria today, only to end up with 1/2 of a tuna sandwich and chips (exciting - huh?)
I think the AC in our building is about to crap out on us - it is getting very humid in here
My curly hair is getting curlier by the second...any minute I should look as if I have an afro.
I have a dentist appointment to fix a filling that fell out a month ago!
My dentist is, how do I put this, well....hot! I call him Dr. Hottie!! Mike just rolls his eyes.
I rearranged the face on my Mr. Potato head which is sitting on my desk today. He actually is a "Darth Tater" potato head. Today he is just a plain Mr. Potato Head though.

Crab Legs!!!!

2005-07-23T08:04:00.000-04:00

Last night was a nice ending to the week - I got to have Alaskan King Crab legs for dinner!!! YUMMY!!! We recently found this restaurant which serves as an appatizer "1 lb of Alaskan King Crab pieces", which turns out to me more than enough for me as a meal! The best part is the price - only $12.99! Anywhere else around here a KCL meal will run you close to $30!

I am feeling much better today and the sun is shining bright! Looks like it is going to be a gorgeous day! The temps are supposed to be in the upper 80's today and tomorrow with relatively low humidity levels! Perfect day to be at the beach!!

I got the check out to the agency yesteday so they should have in on Monday. Hopefully our dossier will go out on Monday as well because I realized our fingerprints expire January 1, 2006, so we have to do everything possible not to have anymore delays!!! Please cross your fingers that the rest of this journey goes smoothly!

I am in the process of filling out the grant application but have some questions about how our income should be documented. D told me to make sure it matches what is in the homestudy, but that was done over a year ago. Since that time we have started our business and with all the tax breaks associated with that our adjusted income is slightly different. We would be more likely to qualify based on our 2004 tax return than our 2003 tax return. With our 2003 taxes we are just over the income requirement by $1000! Using our 2004 tax returns we are will under the requirement. So I need to wait for an answer from D. One of her grown kids is in town this weekend, so I doubt I'll hear anything before Monday. That is OK thoug - family time is important and, besides, tthe grant application is not that urgent of an issue...afterall we still have another 3 or 4 months before this is over.

Well I am off to go get Michael's lazy butt up so we can get out and enjoy this BEAUTIFUL day!!! This is our "calm before the storm" Monday is the last signing day of the month for loans that need to fund this month, so we will be swamped on Monday - we already have 4 booked - turned down 10!!! I had taken Monday off to relax, but my darling husband has booked me with appointments for the business already!!! Maybe I should go to work instead!!!!

Have a great weekend!

What did I do to deserve this pain?

2005-07-22T14:52:00.000-04:00

I honestly do not understand why this process has been such a difficult journey. Here we are, ready to open our heart and our home to a child who wants or needs a family, and we cannot make it happen. I just don't get it. I feel as if anytime we make some progress in this little journey something pops up and slaps me in the face and knocks me down. It is only my determination that keeps me going...my desire to be a mom, but honestly that is beginning to dwindle. I am about ready to just give up and call it quits. In the beginning, my drive was fueled by my faith in God - that he was in control and that he would provide to us a child that needed us as much as we needed him. But as time passed and circumstances beyond our control seemed to detour our journey, my faith in God, as a loving, caring, compassionate god, has been shattered into pieces. There is no reason that anyone could give me that could justify a child sitting in a cold, depressing, dirty, and "stinky" orphanage, when he or she could be getting the love and care they need and deserve in the home of 2 people who want nothing more than to be parents. A loving, compassionate God would not allow this.

Then just when I think things are going to turn around, life reminds me just how cruel it can be. I can't go into details, but last night was one of the worst nights I have had in a very long time. Not only does the news hurt so bad I just want to crawl under a rock and die, but now I deal with the guilt of feeling the way I do about it. I want to be happy and celebrate - but I cannot. It's not about me, and I don't want to make it about me, and I certainly do not want to take the joy away from those involved, but the pain is just so bad and I don't know how to make it go away.

Well, the weekend is here, and after last night I really need to get away and just enjoy the weekend. Mike and I need to take some time to think regarding a very important part of this journey. I am just afraid to make the decision because as soon as I do the pendulum is going to swing back down and knock me on my ass again. Inevitably every time something good happens, the slap follows shortly behind. I honestly do not know how many more times I will be able to get back up.

It is not my intention to burden you with my pain, but I have kept a lot of this pain bottled up inside, and now that I have a place to unload it, I am going to. I just need to deal with it I guess. Thanks though for "listening".

Where we are in the process

2005-07-21T18:51:00.000-04:00

I just realized that I have not really done what I had intended to do with this blog and give you an idea of where we are at in the process and how much further we need to go.

So as of 6:53 PM, July 21, our dossier, as far as I know is in the hands of B. I am hoping that maybe he has sent it on for final translation, but seeing as B and D are top notch communicators, I cannot seem to get an answer as to whether or not it is at the translators yet or not. So I will go with the worst case scenario and say it is still in B's hands.

After it is translated it will be sent to either the Kaz Embassy in DC or the Kaz Consulate in NYC - again because of communication skills I have been unable to successfully get an answer as to where my dossier will go. This process, assuming things go smoothly, should take 4 - 6 weeks.

Once it clears the embassy it is sent to Kazakhstan where must first clear the Ministry of Foreign affairs (MOF) then clear the Ministry of Education (MOE). Once it clears this process (approx 6 - 8 weeks) a letter of invitation is sent to us - our "Golden Ticket"

Once we receive the LOI - it takes about 2 weeks to get things in line to travel to meet our son.

Now this timeline assumes no bumps in the road! Yeah, like that is going to happen for us! At this point I am just hoping we can have our son home by Christmas.

On the up side though, we found out today we may qualify for a grant. The agency sent us the paperwork today so we are going to fill it out and send it back. That would make the financial piece of this process a bit easier for us to handle. I am crossing my finger and toes that this will work for us!
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Update: I was just told our dossier is ready to be sent to the embassy but they need the balance of our dossier fee (we had paid a reduced fee when we were going with Russia because of the child's age, so now we have to pay the rest).

Age and Bonding: An Inverse Relationship?

2005-07-20T12:55:00.000-04:00

I have been struggling lately with trying to decide the age of the child we are going to adopt (I say "I" because me being me have to over-analyze everything, where as Mike just wants me to make a decision - LOL!!). Initially we sought an infant, then decided an older child around 4 or 5 would be wise. Then the 4 year old we were pursuing continued to get older to the point where he was going to be nearly 5 ½ before we got him home. At the time we decided we were not willing to adopt a child that old and made the heart breaking decision to discontinue our pursuit to bring him home. (there is more to this story to be shared at another time). It was at this time we decided to switch to Kazakhstan.

Over the past few months we have re-visited the age issue. For reasons which I will not air here, we have re-opened our hearts to the possiblity of an “older” child (“older” = under 5). However, as I reopen my thoughts to under 5, why not under 6 or even under 7? I read daily about infant, pre-school and “older child” adoption and have learned a great deal about each of those age groups. The bottom line is that there is potential for bonding issues in each of those age groups.

What I find kind of humorous is that I can pick any age and argue that that age is undoubtedly the best age for a child to be adopted, and can list reason after reason. Until the next day when another age suddenly becomes the undoubtedly best age for adoption. What I have learned is that I can convince myself of just about anything if I try hard enough!!

So really what I am getting at is that no matter what I read or who I talk to somewhere I am going to find pros and cons to ANY age. Will the age of the child really affect his ability or inablity ot bond with us? So many times I hear that the older the child the harder it is for the child to bond. I can refer to infant, toddler, pre-schooler, elementary, and middle school aged success stories, and equally as many horror stories. I mean really, don’t we all know someone who’s friend’s uncle’s mailman’s sister adopted a {{insert age and nationality}} child that just has been {{select one: terrible / great}} ? The conclusion I have come to is that age is only a very small piece of the success story in terms of adjustment and bonding.

So where does that leave us? It leaves us trying to make a decision that will greatly affect the rest of a child’s life of whom we know nothing about, with the exception of perhaps a picture and brief, often inaccurate medial history. How will this child fit into our lives, or more importantly, how will we fit into this child’s life. We will literally be forcing ourselves into this kid’s life! How is that going to go over? How do you decide what is best for someone you do not even know? If this child becomes our son, yet fails to bond with us and lives a life of misery and emptiness, did we do the “best” thing for this child by taking him out of the orphanage? Would the orphanage have been a better place for him?

So really…does age matter? I am really starting to think it may not be as important as I once thought it to be. What I have learned is that this is indeed a step of faith into deep darkness of the unknown. There are so many more factors to a successful adoption than just age, many of which we as parents have control over but also many more over which we have absolutely no control.

But now that I have bored you all to death with my ramblings, does any of what I just rambled about matter? I truly believe in what I have ended earlier postings with…”what is meant to be will be”. I rregardless (or is it regardless) of what Mike or I think is the best age for us to adopt , the child we are meant to have will be the one we end up with…and his (or I guess really, her) age is ultimately NOT going to be up to us!

So as I have closed before…What is meant to be will be…

List of Characters

2005-07-19T06:45:00.000-04:00

Nothing too exciting to post today. My agency did respond to with the name of the translator they use. She is one of the 2 who have been "blessed" by the Kaz embassy - so I guess that is good. I am somewhat shocked that for the first time in this long journey, we have actually been ahead of a process change!! LOL!!! Maybe our luck is starting to change...but lest I forget, I am me, and my luck just doesn't change for the better!!

No word on our dossier yet. I asked the coordinator if it has been sent for the remaining translation (only the latest apostille certificates needed translation - at least that is what I was told). She said she had asked yesterday, but as of her response last night, had not heard back from the program facilitators yet.

Since I have nothing of real great importance to add so far today I thought I might as well introduce the list of characters in this ongoing saga. OK its more for personal ease in writing these posts as I am getting tired of writting "the coordinator" or "the agency". Hello my name is Kim and I am lazy.

So from here on out...here are the characters. I will update as needed:
"our agency" = ABC (these are not the actual intials of the agency name - I just don't want the real name out there yet)
"the coordinator" = D
"the other agency" = XYZ (same as above)
"the progam facilitators" = D2 and B

"Our agency" is the agency we work with directly. They are more like facilitators; they are the "middle man"
"The coordinator" is the person we work directly with. She basically gets answers from XYZ when we have questions.
"The other agency" is who ABC is working with. This is the agency which actually makes things happen. D2 and B are both Russian and work directly with the foreign countries (ie Russia, Kaz, Moldova, etc)
"the program facilitaors" work for / own XYZ. These 2 are the ones who go visit the countries and **supposedly** keep up with the regulations. They coordinate the overseas travel and housing arrangments.

Life goes on

2005-07-18T00:37:00.000-04:00

I hate Mondays. Traffic was absolutely horrific this morning. Took me almost 2 hours to get in. Everyone thinks they will beat the shore traffic on Sunday by just leaving Monday morning! So in addition to the regular commuters, we have to deal with all the BENNIES trying to get back up north! I love living at the shore, but all you BENNIES need to go home SUNDAY!!!! Ok - I am done with my rant.

Well we survived the weekend. It was tough after Friday but we made it. Both of us feel sorry for Chance (our black lab) cuz he is just wandering around looking for Kayro - he no longer has his play buddy. He laid by where her water bowl and food used to be and just whimpered last night...hard to explain what happened to a dog!

It looks like we won't be hosting a child this summer. Just cannot seem to get everyone involved on the same page, so I guess I won't get to be a mom for 3 weeks. Its probably best because being the sap that I am I may just fall in love with the child and refuse to let the child go back** and we'd end up re-living the Ilian Gonzalez tragedy of a few years ago! I will just try to focus on our little unknown person for now.

Read some more about yet another new requirment for Kaz dossiers. As of the end of June every dossier must be translated by one of two embassy approved translators - they are doing this in hopes of speeding up dossier processing time which is currently 1 - 2 months. I have learned to question our agency with everything I read now and heard back that they already use the embassy approved translators - good to know. So we now just sit and wait for the remaining apostilles to be translated. Hopefully that will be done and the dossier on its way to the embassy by the end of the week. Maybe, just maybe, we can actually stay on track now and finish this adoption journey up without them (whoever "they" are) changing the rules on us again - hey I can hope can't I? LOL!!!

** edited to add that on the off chance some international adoption official is reading this, that that comment is made in 100% sarcastic humor mode. :-)

Sad day

2005-07-15T14:23:00.000-04:00

We had our older dog put down this morning and I cannot stop crying. Kayro was Mike's dog long before I was in the picture, but I still feel like she was my dog too.

Kayro was shepard terrior mix and looked like a miniature German Shepard. She had a fierce personality if she did not like you but was truly a sweetheart if she did.

She has been sick for about 3 weeks now. Both of us knew her time was coming and she was not going to recover this time. We were both prepared to lose her, but we both hoped it would be natural. This morning she could barely move and when Mike tried to sit her up she would just fall over. It was time.

I miss her so much right now and cannot stop crying. Mike is cleaning like a mad man right now I think to not to have to think about what happened. He stopped for while when I got home and we both just fell apart. He is back to cleaning now.

Chance, our other dog, a black lab, does not seem to be phased by her absence yet. Maybe its too soon for him to notice. Maybe he just won't notice - I don't know.

Goodbye Kayro - I love you.

Quick Turn Around

2005-07-14T18:40:00.000-04:00

Our dossier made it to my desktop early this afternoon. I spent my lunch hour photo-copying and re-stapling all the documents. I had to make 2 photocopies of each document and apostille certificate to send back with all the originals. So now they are on their way to the agency who will hopefully keep their word and will get the apostilles translated immediately and get them back to the Kaz Embassy.

A little background...I told you a few days ago our dossier was returned because of the change in how the dossier was to be put together. What I failed to mention was how angry I was about that. I was still too angry to write about it at the time and still have this be read by my mother - LOL!! Anyway, the reason I was so angry is that this change occured in mid-May and our dossier was submitted to them the first week of June (after the change was in effect). I read about this change a couple of weeks later and questioned my agency about it. They had heard nothing about the change. Now, not for nothing, but we are paying these people alot of money to help us through this and I expect my agency to stay on top of regulation changes and to know how to guide us through this journey. I don't feel I should be the one pointing out regulation changes.

Anyway, the reason this made me so angry is that this is exactly what happened while we were getting ready for Russia. I began reading about the pending changes in Russia and would then question the agency about it. I was repeatedly told that nothing was changing and that we would be fine. I was even told that since the child we were pursuing was over 4 he would not be affected by the changes. This of course was contrary to what I was reading on the message boards, but I was naive enough to believe what i was being told. At one point I was scolded about believing what I had read on the internet. Now, I am not a "told you so" type of person, but in the end what I was reading was the truth, and what the agency was telling me was not. We ended up being caught in the middle of all the chagnes and found it wise to cut our losses in Russia and just switch to Kazakhstan.

So now their not keeping up with regulation changes again has cost us almost a month of time. We would probably have traveled sometime in late August / early September but now it is looking more like October before we will get to finally meet our child.

Again I close with....what is meant to be will be....

To host or not to host

2005-07-14T09:28:00.000-04:00

that is the question!

I came into work this morning to find the email below waiting for me in my inbox. I think hosting would be fun! The children are a bit older than we plan on adopting, but I think it would be fun to at least host and give these kids a couple weeks of fun. The timing for this would work out perfectly too. I already looked into day camp at the YMCA. There is a session that runs from August 1 - August 12.

From what I can gather from the limited info that I have is that the kids will arrive on July 21 (yes that is next Thursday - yikes!) and will be here for 3 weeks. I could take vacation days next Thurs and Fri, then take 1/2 days the following week. Mike is busy in the afternoons with the business so I would be home in the afternoon to spend with the child. Then the child could go to camp at the YMCA for the last 2 weeks. I think it would work out wonderfully.

I am waiting to hear back from the sponsoring agency to get more details. I'll discuss it with Mike this evening. Maybe I can be a "mom" for 3 weeks this summer! That would be awesome!!

Again I say...what is meant to be will be...

Oh - and our apostilled documents are "out for delivery" according to UPS.

email from agency:

Dear Prospective Host Family,

A short time ago you contacted Adopt a Miracle and expressed an interest in hosting a child from an orphanage in Eastern Europe for a summer adventure in America. Originally, we were asking hosting families to assist in paying for the child’s travel costs. We understand that the expense kept many of you from agreeing to host a child. Fortunately, we have been able to find sponsors who have offered to pay for the children’s travel costs.

With this new information, we are hoping many of you will now be able to consider hosting a child this summer. We have a group of children coming to New York City from Ukraine on July 21. Many of the children hoping to come still need host families. If you can travel to New York to pick the child up, you can take the child home with you for the hosting experience.

We have another group of children who would like to come later in the summer, or at Christmas time. The date and location depends on the number of families in a particular area who are willing to host. At this time we have a number of families in CA, CO and MI who are interested, but we can bring a group of children to your state if we have 6-7 host families.

If you have a completed home study, or at least background checks completed, you are qualified to host a child. Even if you do not plan to adopt, you can host a child. When your child is with you, we will arrange for the child to meet other families who may not be hosting but are interested in adopting children from Eastern Europe.

They did not lose them!

2005-07-13T21:30:00.000-04:00

WOW!! Our documents are on their way back to us (gotta love UPS tracking)! I had them returned to my office so I can get them out to the agency ASAP. I should have them by early afternoon and can get them out to the agency before I head home tomorrow. This of course assuming they apostilled everything. I had documents returned one time because they could not find the notary had been registered with the state.

I did not mean for this to be the time to share this story, but since we are on the subject I'll go ahead and tell the story. THis happened sometime in early December, I think...I have had so many adventures with the this "fine" state office I cannot remember the actual timing of this, but here is what happened...

We were getting our final documents ready for Russia. I had sent the dossier to be apostilled and it was in the mail back to us the day after they received it. I was still naive about state workers at the time (I have grown much wiser after dealing with them - LOL) and was jumping up and down with joy that they were done so quickly. I get the package only to find out that they did not apostille all the documents. The documents notarized by my friend Gaby (who I know is a true Notary Public - i paid for it and was there when she was sworn in) were not apostilled. There was a note telling me she was not a Notary Public. So I call the Notary Unit...which as a side note is an adventure in itself. I was on the phone literally for an hour being transferred amongst various state agencies - apparently noone knows where or who the notary unit is. When I finally got to the right place I was told what the letter already stated. I explained that the Gaby was a Notary, and gave my reasons. The response was "well the computer says she isn't" AH...I see...the all knowing computer. To back track a little, the package I sent contained a letter with three different phone numbers to contact me if there was a problem with the documents. OK fast forward...I ask why I was not called. I was told "We are too busy to call people". Fine...whatever...keeping the ultimate goal in mind and trying to remember I may need these people again in the future, I bit my tongue and did not respond. OK...so how do we resolve this. She explains to me that she would need to contact the county to verify that Gaby was indeed a notary. I think...and why was this not done when the documents were still in their possession??? But again I bite my tongue. I say fine. She tells me to call back in an hour. Fine...I call back in an hour. After speaking with 3 people in the office the original lady gets back on the phone and asks me what the county said. I said what? She repeats, what did the county say? I say...I thought YOU were calling the county. Oh, she says. I didn't cuz I thought you were. I am dumbfounded and cannot even think of what to say!! Finally she says, call back in an hour and I'll call the county in the meantime. Fine. I wait 2 hours and call back. She says "Good news, Gaby is a notary" - yeah no kidding. So now what? She tells me to send the documents back and they will apostille them. I asked if I could just bring them in and get them apostilled while I wait? She asked how many....12. Her response: Oh no, there is no way we could do 12 in one day. (I wish I could be a state employee and feel overwhelmed by stapling a certificate to a piece of paper...12 times....oh my...what stress). Anyway...I sent the documents in and waited for them to be returned...and waited...and waited...OK the wait was only 3 or 4 days before I started getting worried. I called on the 5th day and they had no record of having received them. Thank god for UPS tracking. I was able to tell them when they were received and who signed for them. The manager of the department finally admitted to me that they were signed for by their department but they could not find them. Now let me take a side step here and explain that it took about 4 months to get all the paperwork together in the first place!! Ok back to the story....for the next few days I called Monica (the manager) only to be told the same thing...they do not know where they are, they are probably in another department and we have to wait for them to be returned....great. But she promises me she will call as soon as they find them...yeah right. Anyway, in the meantime i start to gather the documents again. I also checked UPS nightly to see if by any chance the documents were in the mail yet. One night when I had given up hope, I saw the words..."In transit"!!! Yippee...they were on their way back to us. Got the documents and sent them off to the agency for submission to Russia....

Let the nail biting begin - again

2005-07-13T08:11:00.000-04:00

I finally got our documents to the state yesterday to be apostilled. Now I have to sit and wait and check UPS daily as the the papers are processed and hopefully not lost again! When they are processed correctly they usually go back out in the mail the day after they receive them, which means they should go out in tonights UPS pick up. I provided a prepaid envelope so I can track when the package actually goes out. My fingers are crossed that it does indeed go out tonight. Past experience tells me that if it does not go out within a couple of days, that they have lost / misplaced the documents!

I also heard back from the agency regarding the domestic adoption. Looks like a no-go for that situation for 2 reasons...the biggest is that the baby has already been placed, but the second reason would have been enough for us...the mother does not know if the father is caucasion or not. Since we want to adopt a caucasian or euroasian apprearing child, this just would be too much of a risk for us.

She's back...with little news

2005-07-11T10:30:00.000-04:00

The coordinator is back from vacation. She responded on Friday with the information we were waiting for to fill in our Power of Attorney form. We could not get it apostilled with blanks, so we had to wait for the info to be sent to us. Unfortunately I did not see the email until last night, so I'll hopefully get that filled in and get the papers off to the state for apostilling today.

She unfortunately did not respond regarding the domestic adoption situation. Not sure if she is hoping we will just not pursue it or if she did not have a chance to respond. The "give everyone the benefit of the doubt" side of me wants to believe its the later of the two, but my experience with this agency is telling me its the first. Well I won't let it drop until I get an anwer so I sent an email this morning. If I don't hear from her by lunch I'll make a phone call to her. Again I say....what is meant to be, will be!

London

2005-07-07T13:13:00.000-04:00

I don't know what to say. It brings back horrible memories of 9/11. The fact that it is of smaller scale is so insignificant right now. The message is the same....we are NOT safe...ever. It is a scary time we are living in and just when you think it could be getting better, we are attacked. When I say we, I refer to the entire world - not just NYC, or London, or Madrid.

My heart goes out to the people of London. I would not wish the fear that now encompasses that city on anyone. I experienced it on 9/11 and do not EVER want to live through another day like it.

Wandering aimlessly

2005-07-07T10:45:00.000-04:00

I wonder at times if we will ever have a child to call our own. It is frustrating when there is absolutely nothing you can do to control a situation. I like to be in control, or at least feel as if I am in control.

Our coordinator is on vacation this week so it is not likely I will hear anything regarding the domestic adoption possibility I came across yesterday. I am cautiously excited about that little baby, because I think it would work out very nicely! I am keeping my fingers crossed that this may be our little one, but I am trying not to get my hopes up - but it is hard not to. What is meant to be will be....

In the meantime I am waiting for a response as to how to fill out one last piece of paper for our dossier for Kazakhstan. Once I have this info I can submit the remaining documents to be apostilled. What is an apostille? - in the simplest terms, it is the great state of NJ's stamp of approval regarding the legitimacy of the notary who notarized the document. Its not expensive, just nerve wracking to get done. It shouldn't be nerve wracking, but you see the state has managed to lose our dossier not once, but twice!! Fortunately they found it both times - took 2 weeks the first time and 3 days the second. As an FYI, I have submitted documents for apostillng on 4 different occassions - can you sense why I am a bit nervous about doing it again!!! I am looking at a 50/50 chance of them not losing the most valuable set of documents I have ever worked on!

My first post!

2005-07-06T15:15:00.000-04:00

Hello!

We are on what seems a never ending journy to adopt a child. I won't give all the details at this point as I don't want to bore everyone with my first post, but I will give a little background now. I'll try and fill in the holes later on.

We started this journey in February 2004 when we decided to adopt from Russia. In June I had fallen in love with a picture of a dear little boy named Andrey who was 4 years old. We had hoped and had been told we'd have him home by that Christmas - well that did not happen! To make a long story short, Russia changed many of its adoption laws and we got caught up in lots of political red tape. We eventually switched countries and are now pursuing an unknown child in Kazakhstan.

Our dossier was completed (we thought) and submited to our agency Memorial Day weekend. They had them translated and submittedt to the Kazakhstan Embassy in Washington DC. This is supposed to be a 2 month process but due to sudden changes in the way the dossier is supposed to be assembled we had our documents returned to us to get more apostilles done (I'll explain later). We just got the documents back on Saturday. I hope to get them sent to the state for apostilling later today. Hopefully the state will not lose them AGAIN (again - I'll explain later).

Today I saw our agency has a baby to be born in September that is available for adoption. This would be a domestic adoption which we had originally shyed away from, but it says the mother does not want contact after birth (which is why we had shyed away from domestic adoptions), so we are looking into this. The description / situation sounds too good to be true, but considering it seems like the international thing does not seem to be working, maybe this is the direction we are meant to go. We'll see...what is meant to be will be.